Tuesday, August 29, 2006
At the beach, life is different. A day moves not from hour to hour but leaps from mood to moment. We go with the currents, plan around the tides, follow the sun.
We want to elongate the days, distill the memories, make them last. At the same time, we know that the beauty is in the evenescensce...every wave comes in, then retreats. Every day promises, then turns its back and slips away. Every joy has a little tease in it, a give and a take, and leaves a wake of longing.
So we do the best thing we can do...open up the windows to our senses (so we can hear the waves wwwiiiisshhhing into the night) and let our hearts lead us back to the land of simplicity.
And if we allow these moments to stick to us like sand...our lives can becomes castles.
No matter who comes to the beach, and no matter how lofty the castle they build, time and tide and wind (and other mysterious forces) will eventually get to them...and change them...and maybe even flatten them...thankfully!
People keep coming back to the beach (and for that matter to love) for this lesson: sometimes it's best to get your walls knocked over and lose your most cherished constructs and be fully swept away.
The beach returns us to our child like selves, frees us to be our most elemental, most beach-bunny easy selves. Sometimes it feels just right to be FISHY and SALTY and CRABBY.
The beach is not as much about slackness of mind (although there is some good in that) as it is about mindfulness to small and simple things.
The beach teaches us to redefine rush. It teaches us the value of pause. It sinks us into contentment and keeps building us up. It brings us good humor. It sends us under the surface where we act a little fishy and casting into the skies where we become star fishermen. It molds us into the shape of thankfulness.
We keep getting the chance to transform ourselves with any shift of wind or weight, we know we can come about...and we can keep on coming about. And that slow, crooked seemingly aimless path of our lives at the beach may just be us getting closer and closer to our best selves.
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Thursday, August 24, 2006
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm. 1 O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me inbehind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.
19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God! Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
20 They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD, and abhor those who rise up against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Friday, August 18, 2006
okay, I'm done ranting...
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
It turned out to be the most unexpected fun I've had in a while. There were so many cute old people walking around and a bunch of them were gathered around the edge of the water so we joined in and saw that they were watching all the remote control hobby boats out on the water. I asked one of the ladies about it and she said that it was the annual hobby clubs night out...once we finished watching the boats we walked on only to realize that there were antique cars and old fashioned bicycles, an oregan grinder and an ice cream vendor clown person out as well...
But my all time favorite was the old lady dressed like a drummer, white paint on her face with crazy makeup and a white wig...she would stand frozen on top of this platform and whenever someone would drop a coin into her jar she would start moving and start playing her drums (she wasn't very good), I think we sat and watched her for like a half hour..it gave me the giggles and who doesn't like to laugh?! If you look at the pic on my profile that's her in the background...LOL!
We ended the night watching this huge big band play...they were sooooo good. It reminded me of the movie Wedding Planner where they are watching an old movie in the park...it had the same feel to it...dads twirling their daughters, couples holding hands, kids in their pajama's laughing and curled up on a blanket as a family...a father and son playing catch...the conductor telling funny jokes (what did the funeral director and the snake charmer have embroidered on their towels after they got married? Hiss and Hearse! that is funny stuff people!) They had a special guest tuba player (LOL!) he works for disney and hires all their new talent I guess so he was a big deal apparently...anyhow, it was a very enjoyable night...they ended with Stars and Stripes Forever, we decided that the song needed fireworks and wouldn't you know it, about half way through...huge fireworks! Needless to say I went to bed that night completely happy...I love when you run across unexpected fun times...
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Friday, August 11, 2006
I love this song because it talks about someone who gave everything for something she believed in. Being that I know Sara I know that this is a true story, Esther really exists..she is a woman I would like to learn from. To suffer such loss and disappointment and to turn around and live her life for the poor and the orphaned...that is an amazing thing to aspire to..it is what God commands and commissions his people to do..how can I participate? how can I partner with? how can I pray? how can I? how can I? I am compelled...
James 1:27 says: Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.
Isaiah 61:1-3 says: The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
then the practical side of me says, how can you live with out balance? how can you devote yourself to something so much that you leave other things that are important behind? doesn't that make you irresponsible and worthless in certain parts of your life?
Specifically for me...how do I decide how much of myself to pour into my work...my calling...my church? Do I pour into what I feel is my purpose at the expense of other things that are important, like a social life, working out, my home, those kinds of things...or am I just using it as a big fat excuse to not concentrate on those things...especially in light of all that has happened in my life over the last year...a break up, friends moving away, friends getting married and disappearing, family leaving (if I thought crying over a man breaking my heart was bad, well that was nothing compared to losing Ira Ash and Beck...I don't say that to make them feel bad, I am ultimately very happy for them and supportive but selfishly I want things to be the way they were). Maybe with all of those events happening I actually have the perfect opportunity to start finding balance...I can decide how I want those aspects of my life to look like now that I'm basically starting over...I think I have been going to far to the extreme of pouring myself into my job...it's so much easier to do that than to start other things over...at my job I know what's expected of me, I have measurable goals, I can excel and even get noticed for it...not necessarily true once I leave and go home at night...
I guess this is something I need to work out...and maybe the picture of balance is better than I give it credit...have you ever stood on one of those scales at the gym and watched the arrow go up and down and up and down until it finally rests and you see you still need to adjust the weights and the process starts again of the up and down and up and down until eventually you know what you weigh...then the next day, after eating your heart out and finishing off that apple pie and snicker bar...you have to start the process all over again? maybe balance isn't a state of mind or lifestyle you ultimately achieve but rather it is something you are constantly working on and assessing and working to change and measure...maybe there are different seasons of life that require different types of balancing, and maybe you only balance two things instead of twenty and have to learn how to say no...
maybe there is something in the middle...the middle of being balanced and being unbalanced...I guess that still leaves you a little unbalanced...but maybe for me that will end up looking and feeling like a life I am happy to be living.
I want to be passionate and unbalanced and I want to be crazy good at certain things but I also want to be able to do other things in my life well. So I guess I had better get on the scale, see where I am at and maybe start making some changes...
Sunday, August 06, 2006
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?:yeah
GOTTEN LOST IN THE WOODS?:not so lost I never found my way out!
Coffee:no thank you.
Cologne/Perfume:sometimes I wear Heavenly but usually nothing.
Bought something:milk and a cute hoodie...
Talked to someone you have a crush on:nope
okay, so sorry to all who read this and thought it was going to get more interesting...I am killing time before going to a church service at River Valley that is for women only...I may blog about it later, the lady speaking is part of Hillsong Ministries, Christy Caine...not sure if that's how you spell it...I went to a luncheon last week and she was great...
So Much to Love
I love people. I love bright eyes. I love my sons, Judah & Lucas. I love laughing. I love my ringtone. I love love. I love Jesus. I love tattoos. I love milk. I love creative expression. I love smiles. I love Philippians. I love bridges. I love my house and haven. I love a rainy night. I love doing nothing. I love almonds and banana chips. I love music. I love cowboy hats. I love Anna Maria Island. I love (diet) dr.pepper. I love a good story. I love wildflowers. I love to fly. I love rod iron. I love babies. I love going to the movies. I love midnight. I love allegra. I love sunsets. I love long kisses. I love the color red. I love starshollow. I love community. I love doing life with friends. I love witty banter. I love jessilynn.com. I love my family. I love pretty things. I love cruisin' with my girls. I love remembering when. I love authentic individuals. I love hot tamales. I love when kids giggle. I love Lance. I love bonfires. I love finding people I thought I'd lost. I love yard sales. I love tacobell. I love seeing people do good. I love violins and steel guitar. I love driving to the airport. I love seeing people around me succeed at their dreams. I love being included. I love flipflops. I love blogging. I love long talks. I love dreaming.