Thursday, August 23, 2007
I have been thinking about people's reactions to me a lot lately. Probably because of the blue hair. I have gotten some pretty funny reactions from people, like the little girl last night who said something to me then looked at me and before she could stop herself said "woah!!!!" and her eyebrows raised to her hair line...or the clerks at the store who's eyes say it all but their mouths can't cause it would be considered rude…or the nice cop who did the police report on my jeep being broken into the second time... or some of the people in my church who have said things that have been reported back to me like "she doesn't seem like the type of person to do something like that with her hair...I'm so surprised!" obviously people who don't know me that well.
Then there are the reactions people have because I'm a pastor. Like when they find out I don't listen to Christian music...and probably never will. That I have a tattoo. That as much as I love kids and with my work I am constantly surrounded by them, I don't want a huge family. That I mess up. That I come from a pretty normal (aka dysfunctional at times) family. That I don't swear but hanging around people who do doesn't even slightly bother me. (should it?) That my reasons for not drinking have very little to do with my being a pastor and a lot more to do with having had an alcoholic grandfather….stuff like that…
I know that along with a “title” comes people’s assumptions and expectations and for the most part I am okay with that because a lot of the things they are assuming and expecting are things I naturally would be minus the “title”…but there are days when I am beyond thankful for people in my life who just see me as friend Jamie or sister Jamie or a little crazy at times Jamie.
The weight of people’s assumptions and expectations is a lot to carry at times. It has never stopped me from being me though, it has just occasionally made me weary. Then I usually find that I am paying way to much attention to people’s reactions instead of God’s reaction to who I am.
I could walk away from ministry and do something else but the core of who I am would not change. The desire to make right choices always, the lifestyle I would live out, the type of things I do to keep busy, the relationships I engage in…my desire to be a woman of God…those things wouldn’t change…I guess I am just rambling a little at this point but these things have been floating through my thoughts all day today…so there ya go!
So Much to Love
I love people. I love bright eyes. I love my sons, Judah & Lucas. I love laughing. I love my ringtone. I love love. I love Jesus. I love tattoos. I love milk. I love creative expression. I love smiles. I love Philippians. I love bridges. I love my house and haven. I love a rainy night. I love doing nothing. I love almonds and banana chips. I love music. I love cowboy hats. I love Anna Maria Island. I love (diet) dr.pepper. I love a good story. I love wildflowers. I love to fly. I love rod iron. I love babies. I love going to the movies. I love midnight. I love allegra. I love sunsets. I love long kisses. I love the color red. I love starshollow. I love community. I love doing life with friends. I love witty banter. I love jessilynn.com. I love my family. I love pretty things. I love cruisin' with my girls. I love remembering when. I love authentic individuals. I love hot tamales. I love when kids giggle. I love Lance. I love bonfires. I love finding people I thought I'd lost. I love yard sales. I love tacobell. I love seeing people do good. I love violins and steel guitar. I love driving to the airport. I love seeing people around me succeed at their dreams. I love being included. I love flipflops. I love blogging. I love long talks. I love dreaming.