Tuesday, October 09, 2007
I haven't lived at home since I was Jr. in highschool. I have paid my own bills and made my own way and taken personal responsibility for my life for a long time now. I have survived numerous people walking through my life (notice I didn't say into but through) and I have a level of self confidence in myself and my choices that not every one has. I know this about myself and I also know that it comes a little bit from necessity but mostly because I find my worth in God and I trust that He will lead me and help me through whatever comes my way. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that while I may not always be able to hang my own light fixtures and I need people to talk to and I value relationships that I can keep doing my own independant thing for ever and I'd be fine.
Of course like I said every coin has a flip side. I think my independance has caused me to not ask for help when I need it cause I'm used to doing things on my own. It has made people from the outside look at me and think I have it all together (ha!). There's other stuff too but I don't really feel like dwelling at the moment cause it makes me sad.
anyhow, for a long time (years) I have loved the concept that everyone travels their own path, sometimes path cross, sometimes they merge but either way you are in charge of your own path, it's between you and God. When I was in college I helped run the Delta Kappa women's ministries and that year the theme was all about people's journey's. At this point Sara Groves was just starting out her music career and through connections we were able to have her come and speak at a retreat we were doing. I had a chance a few weeks before the retreat to sit down with sara and share about this concept and the theme. For our retreat she wrote a song which was then on her next album. One of my many (hehe) claims to fame. I inspired a song! woot woot! okay, just let me believe what I want okay?
anyhow, here are the lyrics...this song still speaks to me on a very personal level. I may be too independant at times from people in my life but I am completely the opposite when it comes to God. I depend on him for my very essence.
When I stand before the Lord, I'll be standing alone. This journey is my own. Still I want man's advice, and I need man's approval, but this journey is my own. . Chorus: Why would I want to live for man and pay the highest price? What would it mean to gain the world, only to lose my life? . So much of what I do is to make a good impression. This journey is my own. So much of what I say is to make myself look better. This journey is my own. . Chorus . I have never felt relief like I feel it right now. This journey is my own. 'Cause trying to please the world it was breaking me down, it was breaking me down. . Now I live and I breathe for an audience of one, now I live and I breath for an audience of one. Now I live and I breathe for an audience of one, 'cause I know this journey is my own. . Chorus . You can live for someone else, and it will only bring you pain. I can't even judge myself. Only the Lord can say, "Well done."
So Much to Love
I love people. I love bright eyes. I love my sons, Judah & Lucas. I love laughing. I love my ringtone. I love love. I love Jesus. I love tattoos. I love milk. I love creative expression. I love smiles. I love Philippians. I love bridges. I love my house and haven. I love a rainy night. I love doing nothing. I love almonds and banana chips. I love music. I love cowboy hats. I love Anna Maria Island. I love (diet) dr.pepper. I love a good story. I love wildflowers. I love to fly. I love rod iron. I love babies. I love going to the movies. I love midnight. I love allegra. I love sunsets. I love long kisses. I love the color red. I love starshollow. I love community. I love doing life with friends. I love witty banter. I love jessilynn.com. I love my family. I love pretty things. I love cruisin' with my girls. I love remembering when. I love authentic individuals. I love hot tamales. I love when kids giggle. I love Lance. I love bonfires. I love finding people I thought I'd lost. I love yard sales. I love tacobell. I love seeing people do good. I love violins and steel guitar. I love driving to the airport. I love seeing people around me succeed at their dreams. I love being included. I love flipflops. I love blogging. I love long talks. I love dreaming.