Sunday, November 18, 2007

approval

I seek approval in the strangest places sometimes. I can feel myself doing it and can't seem to stop it. The latest?
My college choral director is now on staff at my church and is my co worker...he was always someone in college I was seeking approval from when it came to my voice. The odd part about it is I know I have a good singing voice, I didn't need his approval to know I could sing...and yet...a compliment from him was worth loads more than a compliment from anyone else. Last night I sang with his son at church and funny thing was I could feel myself wanting his sons approval because I know he'd tell his dad if I did a good job or a bad one. either way I'd be found out. so when he sat down beside me today and said he had heard I'd done a great job last night it was a big deal for me. I already knew I'd done a good job. I'm not into false humility and I also know I'm no rock star. I just know what I'm capable of.
My struggle is to know what to do with this need for approval. This is just one way it came out. Not really to bad of a way in the grand scheme of things...but it's a symptom of something greater nonetheless. Something for me to chew on and pray about for sure.

2 comments:

Wings said...

This is a very honest post

Burkinator said...

Something a lot of first-born, bossy types deal with, I think. This one sure does--it goes hand-in-hand with always being right. ; )

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