bennies of my illness

Since I am forced to stay home a lot and rest I have some time on my hands. Today my friend Amy from England was in town and needed somewhere to chill for a few hours so she came to my house and we chatted the day away...talk about a great bennie! If I wasn't sick I wouldn't have been able to spend time with my girl.

silver lining I will find you!!! beware!!!

I may have over fed my addiction...

so besides being addicted to myspace, taco bell and lately, sleeping...I am also addicted to scrapbooking....and last night I fed my addiction. Courtney picked me up and we headed to Scrapbooks Too in west bloomington where I stocked up...I'm going on a scrapbooking retreat this weekend (yes I will still rest a lot and take my vitamins). My plan is to do 2 mostly identical scrapbooks for myself and my sister of our road trip last Sept. It will be good for my soul to immerse myself in my hobby with a bunch of really fun ladies...I am looking forward.

So as I was having the sales lady ring up my order I realized I may have over fed my addiction...but it couldn't be helped...I found the cutest stuff and had to buy 2 of everything for my sister...and nothing cost more than 1.30...needless to say...each piece of paper and each embellishment had to be rung up seperately so half an hour later I paid the lady and she printed off my receipt...no joke...I held the receipt up and it went over my head and hung down to my back...it's probably like 10 feet long...maybe longer...I think I may have set a record...

no, that's not how I got it...

I haven't given up myspace or anything like that...I found out the reason I've been so sick and it hasn't been going away is because I have mono...yeah. no fun. and no, that's not how I got it...probably picked it up when I was in WI last month or at the gym or some such place...boo. So if you don't hear from me for awhile...assume I'm somewhere sleeping. In fact...I just went to the doc, stopped at the library to check my emails and now I am completely tuckered out...so home to my couch I will now go. yeehaw.

enough already

I'm sick of being sick.

grace

so someone I was just getting to know committed suicide last week. I actually feel like I know him more now that he's dead than I probably ever would have had he lived. Committing suicide made it pretty clear that there was a lot more going on than met the eye. So here is my thought...what if our initial responses (and I've heard a lot of them as I have broken this news to people) to the dark place this person's mind took them to actually perpetuate judgement instead of allowing for grace? what if I'm standing next to someone who is struggling through that dark place themselves and they hear me say "what a selfish act" "what could be so bad" and they decide not to share that thing that is "so bad" because they already feel judged? that breaks my heart. maybe partially because while I have never tried or even contemplated suicide, when I hear about it...somewhere in me I understand. I get it. I also get though that as bad as life can get there is always hope for something better...and I pray that the grace God has extended to me is something I can extend to others and maybe just maybe by living out grace instead of judgement someone's life will be changed. Suicide is an act of desperation and desperate people do things that don't make sense...even to themselves. I pray that I am sensitive to those around me enough to know when someone is in turmoil but more importantly I pray that even if I don't notice...it will be clear to the people in my life because of my words and actions that I love them wherever they are and whatever they are experiencing...

all the little leprechauns

so as I was driving to church this morning I passed a car that had somehow backed itself up onto the front of another car kind of side ways and it's rear wheel had crashed through the windshield of the car under it and was completely stuck.
crazy little leprechauns must have had some fun last night. and not the good clean kind.

I am musically lost

someone asked me yesterday what kind of music I have been into lately and all I could answer was that I am musically lost. it's true. i have been a country girl for a long long time but lately on the radio they have been playing the same things over and over and I became bored...so I switched to a pop radio station which has been sort of fun to listen to but I feel very "top 40'd" out if ya know what I mean...christian music has never been something I've loved...although Sara Groves could sing me to my grave on a desert island so I guess I love some of it...what should I do? it's expensive to just go out and buy CD's in the hopes of finding something I like...my money tree still hasn't sprouted where I planted that dollar bill...so I guess I am just wondering what else others are listening to that is good...any genre really...something with soul and passion would be great...fun and lighthearted is good too...the bigger question...am I more than musically lost? is this just a symptom of something else? a general discontent with the familiar? perhaps...

redrawing the lines

how do you redraw the lines you have somehow established with out even knowing you established them? and now that you see they are established and you realize you are not happy with where the lines are drawn...how do you go about redrawing them with out seeming crazy? I find myself with the need to redraw my lines. I think I may have kept to much behind the line...partly because I don't trust people can handle all of me...partly because in the business of being bizzy bizzy you can only show so much...partly because what I do for a living wears me out on a lot of levels and it takes energy I don't have...partly because I am aware enough to know that others aren't interested for whatever reason and so I hold back not wanting to inconvenience someone. but I find myself very lonely and quite miserable and I would rather appear crazy than keep this up. so I guess it's time to redraw the lines...but I don't know how. the thought occured to me that I could just run away and start over...that would be easy and hard all at the same time and really I don't want to do that...then it occured to me that I've been sick for a week which usually puts me in a very depressed place and so I probably shouldn't just move away because when I get all better I would probably regret it...I don't know. but I am determined to figure it out now...any ideas? can you commiserate? am I crazy? feel free to comment because I would love to know if what I'm writing even makes sense...