Sunday, July 29, 2007

Think Pink

Lisa G came waltzing up to me today with a brown paper bag full of money and I just laughed...why would I laugh at a brown paper bag full of money you ask?!

Because I knew that in order for the kids to win the contest where my hair would get dyed a color of their choice that today alone they needed to raise over 600$.

I just laughed at her and continued on my smug way.

Half an hour later...I was invited to come to Kids Church to hear the results...and their was more than mischief in the eyes of the ones who came to find me...the look on their faces was pure evil!

As the kids screamed their little heads off, the total was announced... the total was 1496$...safe!

yeah right. 5 minutes later the total was more along the lines of 1505$ ...

Oh dear!

The boys actually won the contest so they get to pick the color...I am now mounting a campaign trying to convince all boys that pink is a lovely color to vote for...I have a feeling that 3 weeks is not nearly long enough to get my message across.

I was thinking that if they do vote for fire engine red I may do it permenant and go goth for a while...when else would I be able to do such a thing?! I mean, this is a golden opportunity really....hmmm...

here's a taste of what I'd look like in pink..




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Saturday, July 28, 2007

side effects

so last night I had the craziest dream. any interpreters out there?

I dreampt that I went to a concert and was asked to sit in this semi circle spot at the front. The concert started and it was all white lights and loud music and there were shadow dancing people behind the scrim delio doin' their thing. I didn't know whose concert I was at but I always love music so I didn't really care. All of a sudden like 10 people came out all dressed alike and they looked just like Madonna. yeah. Next thing I know I found out I had entered myself into a Madonna impersonator contest. Before I knew it I was eliminated and some guy won. I was told that I could have been the winner if I'd only taken the time to do some studio recording ahead of time of my vocals...at this point I finally remembered that I had been bored online one night and filled out the application to be in this madonna contest (up until then I still wasn't sure how I'd gotten there)...I decided right then in my dream that maybe I would do some studio work and start pursuing music as a career. If I could almost win a madonna impersonator contest without trying, imagine what I could do if I tried.

So there you have it. I woke up with dreams of being a rock star this morning.

I think I have officially inhaled to many paint fumes!!!

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

my summer romance

I found you in April, you were fun to be with and we spent a lot of time together. I began to take you everywhere with me. You helped me keep track of my life. You knew things about me that no one else did. You were nice to look at. You did what I wanted when I wanted. You were very valuable to me and I think we were a good team. I didn't expect it to end the way it did. So suddenly. July came and is almost gone...just like you. sigh. If I could find the one who took you away from me and steal you back I would. You kept parts of me that I can't get back and it makes me so sad to know you are gone. We really did have a fine romance. All that ilove so callously ripped from my life.



*translation-someone stole my computer. boo for stealing. it's not nice.

*"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
Gotta love the Bible!

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

I feel so blue

welp...the painting commensed today. I taped, I spackled, I sanded, I primed, I cut in, I freaked out when I figured out my business administrator bought 5 gal of the wrong color paint, I hauled that heavy sucker back to sherwin-williams and they fixed it for me, I had myself some starbucks, I laughed with all the fun gals that helped and recruited an extra helper from the parking lot, I never loved the color blue so much, I sang along to some good country music and scraped paint off the tv (oops). It was a great night. I am a little concerned though that the blue paint seems to come off my skin but the white primer kills stuff doesn't seem to want to leave me...I have rubbed myself raw and it ain't helpin'...
I was thinking about it...I have waited for so long to start this process of a major face lift to the rooms, rooms where I have poured myself into and invested so much of who I am into...not the facilities but the darling children and their families...I hope that this blesses them...I want the place they come to be a place that is fun and warm and filled with love and the presence of God. It will be so nice to finally be proud of the facilities where I spend so much of my time and energy. Might not seem like a big deal from the outside but for me it is huge. I needed this...well, maybe not the perma-white marks all over my arms and legs but everything else...

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Sunday, July 22, 2007

broken and grateful

So I haven't talked about this much since it all happened...it was to sad for me for a long time. And I had talked about it more than enough as I was living through it.

I decided to blog about it finally because I actually saw him a couple nights ago....from a distance...he was walking and I was a pretty good distance away...I know he's married now...I hope he's happy. I had an "aha" moment where I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am grateful that things worked out like they did.
I love the Sara Groves song "What I Thought I Wanted". It definately applies here. I'll post the lyrics below.

So roughly two years ago my heart was broken. And he took his sweet time doing it. We were best friends. We had a ton of history...roughly 10 years worth...I had met him when he came to visit my college (I was a year older)...he ended up attending the next year and since we had the same major we had classes together...we had friends in common...we had music in common...for a few years it was a very casual aquaintance. For our last year of college it was a friendship leaning towards being more...a lot more...we both tiptoed around it because we didn't want to "complicate" things. We graduated college and saw eachother here and there but then both got busy and were in full time ministry...I was okay with having lost track of him for a while because I knew I'd fall hard for him if I spent a lot of time with him and I really didn't think that was what I wanted...several years passed...something happened and we crossed paths again...instantly we began spending every minute together. We really just enjoyed eachother...he was my confidant and I was his. He started becoming my "plus one" and I his......we never talked about why...just got all dressed up and went with the flow...we went out at least once a week...to dinner, to the movies, on walks, adventures...He finished my stories for me and I had heard his so often I could tell them in detail...I could feel myself becoming more entangled as we went along.

I didn't know what he was thinking and didn't want to assume...eventually I had to know....it was like the big pink elephant in the middle of the room neither of us was talking about...I finally brought it up and we talked for a long time about where we both were and what we were thinking...he said he needed to figure out if he wanted to pursue our feelings or not...he wasn't sure. But he had been feeling the same way I had...he said he felt the pressure of us "officially" dating turning instantly into talk of marriage. Not from us but from the people in his church and his family...I said that wasn't what I wanted and screw what other people think...he was majorly jumping ahead and worrying about things I didn't even know if I wanted...he said he just needed some time. I said that was fine, time is fine. That's sort of the point. Take the time to figure it out...together. We continued to act like we were dating with out the title...I gave him his space and didn't force the issue...he knew what I wanted and where I stood and I was standing in front of him.

Skip ahead 7 months...I figured I'd given him enough time. 7 mo is a long long time to leave your heart completely exposed to someone who isn't sure what he wants...I still don't know how I survived the indicision. Eventually we talked and it became very clear that he still didn't know what he wanted but it was clear he didn't want me. I was in to deep to just say "okay, well...glad we got that off the table" He knew it and I knew it....maybe 7 mo earlier when we had talked I could have just moved past it as a blip in our friendship...but not at this point. It is wierd to say we broke up when we never officially dated...but that's exactly what we did. I cried. My sister let me call her at 4 in the morning to cry. I cried 'till I couldn't cry any more. I cried in the shower. I cried when I drove. I cried any time I was in a worship service...the presense of God knocks down any walls I may have constructed...always has. I had lost my best friend and I had lost something I had hoped for for a long time that would work out. It was an ending. Eventually I stopped crying and I tried to find the good in what had happened. I'll admit it was hard to find. My life felt like there was a huge hole in it. The person I had spent all my time with, the person I told all my stories to, the person I could always count on wasn't a part of my life any more. I was a little lost to say the least. And I felt so rejected.

I really had to turn my face to Jesus. I was so thankful for a sister who would let me talk and talk and talk. For my girls in NC who encouraged me and loved on me. For my brand new nephew who I could sit with and hold and smell his sweet baby smell and forget all about what I had lost because he was such a bundle of blessing and potential and could distract me to no end with his sweet baby coo's and smiles.

And you know something...I learned that I have the capacity to love deeply. And I know I want to. I walked away with a lot of hope for the future. If I could love someone so much and survive it ending, imagine how much I could love if I shared a future with someone. That is exciting to me. I can hardly wait for that to get started.

I truly did leave that relationship broken and grateful.



What I Thought I Wanted
by Sara Groves

Tuxedo in the closet, gold band in a box
Two days from the altar she went and called the whole thing off
What he thought he wanted, what he got instead
Leaves him broken and grateful

I passed understanding a long, long time ago
And the simple home of systems and answers we all know
What I thought I wanted, what I got instead
Leaves me broken and somehow peaceful

I keep wanting you to be fair
But that’s not what you said
I want certain answers to these prayers
But that’s not what you said

When I get to heaven I’m gonna go find Job
I want to ask a few hard questions, I want to know what he knows
About what it is he wanted and what he got instead
How to be broken and faithful

What I thought I wanted
What I thought I wanted
What I thought I wanted
What I thought I wanted

Staring in the water like Esops foolish dog
I can’t help but reflect on what it was I almost lost
What it was I wanted, what I got instead
Leaves me broken and grateful

I’m broken and grateful
I want to be broken and grateful
I want to be broken, peaceful, faithful, grateful, grateful
I want to be broken, peaceful, faithful, grateful, grateful

Saturday, July 21, 2007

oh how I wish I had my own art car

okay..so today I heard that there was going to be an Art Car Parade...I instantlly wished I could make my sister appear so we could go together (on our road trip one of the road rulz was that if we saw an art car we had to do a chinese fire drill...we did several!). Then I got all excited and made sure my camera batteries were fresh...then I realized I left my dumb cell phone at someone's house and so couldn't call any of my friends in time to see if they wanted to go with me.
So off I went by my lonesome to watch about 80 of the most interesting vehicles parade through up-town. I took a gazillion pictures and soon I will put up a slide show of some sort...I decided that I was quite happy to have attended alone because it gave me the freedom to just wander through the crowd and scootch my way to the front with out worrying about another person. It was great. I didn't feel alone, I felt like I was a part of the (sorry but it's true) crazy minneapolis art crowd...if I had been handed a drum stick and a bucket I would have joined in the drum crowd that was having a blast...if I had an extra car laying around I would consider glueing doll heads all over it...I mean...I think I enjoy these events so much because of all the intresting characters who also attend...look out world I cannot yet tell what may become of me if I attend to many more things like this...
tonight I head to the big ooooahhhhh....fireworks. my fav. I'm sure I will see even more interesting sights by the time this day is finished!

Friday, July 20, 2007

frogger

So I show up today to babysit and the mom says to me "could you guys take the 50 or so frogs the kids have in the garage to the park today and let them go?"

what? real live frogs? in my jeep? with me in it too? driving down the road? frogs? with boys who think it's funny when I squeal? 50???

my response "of course! sounds like fun."

I don't usually lie and I said it in faith that maybe it really might be.

15 minutes later one of the boys come screaming into the kitchen "YOU GUYS YOU GUYS I CAUGHT A HUGE TOAD!!!!" everyone goes running out the door leaving me spinning in the kitchen...I timidly followed behind...he had indeed caught a toad...

So the Toad is in the garage, the little froggies have been freed, I even held one and got a picture.

It reminded me of that movie I watched once with Heidi, Kristen and I think Russ was there too...Frog Town or something like that??? know what I'm talking about guys? Super tacky movie where these alien attack frogs come to town...hmmm...maybe I'll have to google that one later...



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Thursday, July 19, 2007

freaking out

okay...so for like 5 years of my 7 here at CVC I have been trying to get the approval to do some redecorating...every time it comes up I am denied....usually for good reasons but nonetheless denial is denial.
I decided that this summer I would go for it one more time...and lo and behold...with a bit of drama and being 2 seconds away from being denied again about 4 times...I not only have the approval but the paint should be arriving tomorrow...
All the other times I have tried to get this going I have gone in with a plan (schedule) and with people...this time I was like "what's the point I will probably get denied again anyways"...hehe...yeah...so now I am a little bit freaking out because I have to whip together a plan and find people last minute...yeehaw.
So if you read this blog, live anywhere near me, and love me at all...come hang out with me and paint a little...or tape a little...or trace designs off of overhead projected transparency's for me...or remind me to breath air not laced with the fumes of blue paint...whatever...
okay...gotta go keep calling people to help me...

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

under the stars and the lights of the big city

I can still smell the scent of the cigar someone near me was smoking. I am smiling remembering some of the strange sights I took in. I am happy with myself for going on a solitary adventure. I am tired out from standing for hours in the middle of the city watching the parade go by. I have a new found love for tuba players...they rock. I can't believe I never knew there was a unicycle club. I found out the mayor of Minneapolis is hot. who knew. I find it interesting that the power company sponsored the parade I went to and somehow that made it okay to just wrap christmas lights on work trucks and call it a float. I enjoyed seeing everyone turn and point when the 4 airplanes flew overhead with style and precision. I still think clowns are scary and somehow they are even a little scarrier when illuminated on a dark night. I wonder when it became possible for anyone to be a parade princess...didn't you used to have to win something in order to be a parade princess??? there were truck loads in this parade...no kidding I probably saw at least 75 princesses. I sure hope the pooper scooper guys don't wear those same tennies in real life. gross. I am fairly certain that 80 percent of the people I saw were familiar...I think I may have seen all of them at some point at some other outdoor city wide event. I should start learning people's names. hehe. One thing that never ever gets old is seeing people toss people up into the air...there were some crazy cheer leader stunts going on at one point. And I have a new love for marching bands...maybe not new...just renewed. What a fun summer night under the stars and the lights of the big city.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

roll out the red duct tape

So tonight I did something I never would have imagined. I duct taped grass. Yup. I can now say that one hot July night I got down on my hands and knees and spent a good 20 minutes with bright red duct tape trying to get a red carpet to stick to grass. It turned out swell I must say.
It was a friend from church's 40th birthday...what a gorgeous and perfect night to be outside...yes it was crazy humid/hot but still lovely. The theme was hollywood and the guests were the paparazzi...very creative and the guy the party was for I think loved it all. He's a real fun free spirit and his wife is like one of those gorgeous butterflies you love to watch flit from one thing to the next leaving a trail of beauty wherever she goes. And boy can she throw a party!
Somehow I managed to end the night singing karaoke. Know that Mr. Big song "I'm the one who wants to be with you, deep inside I hope you feel it too..." if you know it you are now singing along...I sang it in front of like 40 people who (thank God) were not paying a bit of attention to me. It was fun. Of the good clean variety.
What a lovely night. And now I must go shower because it was also one of those nights where you stood still and dripped from sweat...at least we were all outside and everyone was sweating!
Here's a pic of me duct taping grass...yeah...











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Monday, July 16, 2007

worried

I'm a little worried. Their is a contest here at church for the kids to raise money for BGMC (missionary stuff) and somehow I got roped in. In a weak moment I said "sure". The contest is that the kids raise certain amounts of money and different pastors will dye their hair a color of the kids choice. The dollar amount they have to reach for my hair to be dyed is like 1500$ so I wasn't to worried...some of the guys dollar amounts are less so the kids would get the fun of seeing those guys with pink and purple hair...but....well....I have had quite a few people ask me what color my hair will be dyed...and not kids...they get this little gleam in their eye and say things like "you'd look good with blue hair" and then start digging around in their wallets to see what they can give...do not be surprised if at some point their appears pictures of me with blue, pink, fire engine red or purple hair (the colors so far suggested to me that might be chosen).

oh my.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

queenie

So this might not seem like a big deal to anyone who reads this but I just interupted the Executive Committee Meeting. I felt like queen Esther when she went in and could have lost her life for approaching the king with out being summond. hehe. Off with her head! I needed to give them a proposal though for an upgrade to the nursery system and I couldn't think of a better time and I didn't want it to wait a whole other week. It's been hard enough to track everyone down as it is with all the vacations of summer...so in I went. They looked at me kind of funny but I handed 3 copies of the proposal to Daryl and scootted right on out! we shall see! at least I still have my head
:-)~

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

just a thought on Jesus and ministry

"When Jesus heard what had happened, he withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place. Hearing of this, the crowds followed him on foot from the towns. When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick."

So I have been listening to the Bible on CD in my car (inspired by my brother Ira) and as I was listening to Matthew I noticed something that I think I must have known but I never really thought about. The verses I quoted above are written about how Jesus found out that John the Baptist (his cousin and friend) had been killed by Herod at the request of Herod's wife and daughter who despised John. He was obviously grieving in his attempt to find solitude after he found out about this but before he knew it everyone knew where he had gone to be alone and grieve and decided to follow him there. I shouldn't be amazed but I guess I still am. Jesus could have kept secluded and it would have been completely understandable, he could have said come back later after I have dealt with my own grief and problems, but instead he had compassion on the people and healed their sick. It is also right after that that he also fed the five thousand with the five loaves and two fishes.

If Jesus could keep doing ministry in the middle of grieving the loss of a friend and family member, I can too. Not that anyone has died or anything even close to that for me but it's just a good reminder that it's not about me. It's about the kingdom of God and what he wants to accomplish through us and even in the hard times we need to be watching for what God is doing and join him. It's what gets you through the hard times really.

I don't know, there's probably a lot more to be gleaned from this whole story about Jesus but those are some of my initial thoughts.

Sunday, July 08, 2007

Hail no!

I hate hail. It is evil. It is no fun to drive in. I thought my windshield was done for. Thank God for overpasses on the highway and hazards!!!

I was so preoccupied with the hail when I dropped them off at the airport, I didn't process the sadness of my girls leaving...boo...now I'm sad...and glad to be out of the HAIL!!!!! yuck!

Saturday, July 07, 2007

to much fun

is it possible to have to much fun? my body says yes. I am soooooooo tired today. H&K have been here since Tuesday night and we have been everywhere and eaten everything...wowser...I need a day to stare. but it's off to the MOA on a saturday...kill me now...hehe...

Friday, July 06, 2007

12 years

I've lived here 12 years and today I finally went to the sculpture gardens and took a picture by the spoon with the cherry. about time. I'll post it later on. I guess the real appeal of the spoon is the city sky line...makes way more sense when you know that. Had to go there myself to finally figure that out. Thought I'd share :-)~

Thursday, July 05, 2007

it's a good thing...

it's a good thing to have friends around.
it's a good thing to lay around all day in your pj's.
it's a good thing to have no where to be or anything planned.
it's a good thing to live in a fun city.
it's a good thing that I went grocery shopping.
it's a good thing my camera is small enough to take everywhere.
it's a good thing to get hit on by the hotdish guys wearing antlers, well, funny anyways.
it's a good thing to eat yourself into oblivion.
it's a good thing to then buy a t-shirt to commemorate the occasion.
it's a good thing to be outside with your whole city anticipating the firworks.
it's a good thing to listen to the fireworks to the sound of the accordion.
it's a good thing the fireworks are only a half hour long when you really have to pee.
it's a good thing to not have to get up and go to work after a late night.
it's a good thing no one is checking my cholesterol today!

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

snapshots

So last night I went to the Taste of MN to see the Charlie Daniels Band and to watch the fireworks. It was a bit rainy and super muggy out but still a beautiful night. I just love going to the taste. The people you see there are like no others. If you love to people watch then this is one event that you can get your fill. The entire night I kept seeing different people doing different things and it felt like I was walking through a dream and getting a small snapshot, a small glimpse, into people's lives.

There was the man in front of us during the CDB who was dancing full body all out completely into the music (and probably drunk) and his friend who kept laughing at the dancer completely getting a kick out of his free spirit.

There were the 4 or 5 couples (looked like they were all friends who came out for the night together) behind us who were wrapped in eachothers arms singing every word to every song and looking completely content.

There was the couple in front of us later on by the fireworks with their dyed black hair, eyeliner, wearing their marilyn manson shirts, smoking and looking completely happy that they were about to see fireworks. No one is too cool for fireworks, I love that.

There was the PDA couple just a little to the left in front of us who didn't look like they belonged together...he was short and tubby and she was tall and skinny and very pretty...they looked young...well, when they would come up for air and we could see their faces that is...

There was the darling little family to our right...the dad looked like a worker kind of guy, mom looked really simple and nice and their baby was precious. He was probably around 11 mo...crawling good but not walking...he had a full head of straight blond hair and was just sweet. He would laugh and laugh at his dad and then get all serious and look around at all the strangers around him. so sweet.

There were so many more but those are a few that I was really enjoying watching. I always wonder what fellow people watchers would think of me...tall girl, looks bossy. lol. I don't know. It's not something I will probably ever know but it's fun to think about.

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So Much to Love

I love people. I love bright eyes. I love my sons, Judah & Lucas. I love laughing. I love my ringtone. I love love. I love Jesus. I love tattoos. I love milk. I love creative expression. I love smiles. I love Philippians. I love bridges. I love my house and haven. I love a rainy night. I love doing nothing. I love almonds and banana chips. I love music. I love cowboy hats. I love Anna Maria Island. I love (diet) dr.pepper. I love a good story. I love wildflowers. I love to fly. I love rod iron. I love babies. I love going to the movies. I love midnight. I love allegra. I love sunsets. I love long kisses. I love the color red. I love starshollow. I love community. I love doing life with friends. I love witty banter. I love jessilynn.com. I love my family. I love pretty things. I love cruisin' with my girls. I love remembering when. I love authentic individuals. I love hot tamales. I love when kids giggle. I love Lance. I love bonfires. I love finding people I thought I'd lost. I love yard sales. I love tacobell. I love seeing people do good. I love violins and steel guitar. I love driving to the airport. I love seeing people around me succeed at their dreams. I love being included. I love flipflops. I love blogging. I love long talks. I love dreaming.

Always On My Mind

Welcome to my blog.  I am glad you stopped by!  I choose to write my thoughts and share the joys of my life in this forum.  I hope you will read and say hi when you can!  Blessings!
Jamie
Fame is a vapor, popularity an accident, and riches take wing. Only one thing endures and that is character. 
~Horace Greeley