Friday, August 31, 2007

A Beautiful Day

I started out my morning by bringing Beck into bed with me. His ma and pa had driven through the night and were needing to keep sleeping so we were on our own. We opened all his birthday presents (so there are toys in my house!) and proceeded to play with all of them. His mom and dad do a good job of talking to him about me (and other family too) so he knew who I was which was nice. He calls me something close to mamie and occasionally gets the j sound in there..cute. Pretty soon his little sis woke up and I grabbed her and the bumbly (amazing kid chair thingy that is all the rage in baby gear) and she joined us in bed. She isn't really into people she doesn't know but she's always been okay around me and I think it's because I'm the girl version of her dad...before long she was smiling and having fun watching her brother and me play. What a fun way to start the day!

The rest was a bit of a whirlwind between taking turns getting ready, eating breakfast/lunch, running to walmart, driving all over creation to find the soccer game (not so easy to get places north of the cities with out the 35W bridge!) and getting there after half time because traffic was so bad..well, that and it took a while to get the kiddos in the car after naps and after Ash and I chatted away quite a bit of time..(don't tell Ira..hehe)

I then spent an amazing evening with my book club girls...we used to have such grand adventures but alas life has taken us down some different paths and we must settle for an occasional night of non stop talking and eating and updating...and tonight was filled with all of those! love those girls...I will always cherish our times in the graveyards doing readings on rainy nights and our secret hand shakes and then there was that one time when...well...I'd tell but I'd get in trouble for sharing all the gory details :) needless to say these ladies are some of the most interesting people I know! (no offense everyone else!)

and now I am sitting in my makeshift bedroom, borrowing my bro's computer blogging...what a lovely day :)

tomorrow is the fair and a chuck-e-cheese birthday party for Beck...and of course like every saturday of my life I must sneak in a couple hours of work...it will be a fun day I am sure!

Today was a beautiful day!

(don't worry, I will show you pics later...I know you were all worried...okay, maybe just my mom but still...)

Thursday, August 30, 2007

beauty

I spent some time today with a group of beautiful women and we had a chance to wander the farmers market downtown and enjoy the beauty of fresh food and fresh cut flowers. What a lovely afternoon. I am blessed to have such beauty in my life.





"The Earth Laughs in Flowers"
Ralph Waldo Emerson


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"And in the Sweetness of friendship, let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things, the heart finds it's morning and is refreshed. "
Kahlil Gibran

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Tuesday, August 28, 2007

soon

excited to see Beck and Evie this week. excited to see Ira and Ashley too!!! excited for Ira to help me rehang my light fixture that about put me over the edge last night (thank you ahead of time!). excited there are plans to see everyone around thanksgiving time. miss my dad. miss my mom. jess you should bring your guitar so I can pretend to be a rock star somewhere in the basement...I mean come on! I have blue hair! I can't wait to see Eliana, Mike and Jess in their new environment...hope gram and john and you have been sharing space okay! that's a whole lotta personality in one little farm house :-)

ashley...seriously...how much do you think we can eat off a stick at the fair? I have high hopes for us!

I am warning everyone who reads my blogs now that I will be posting an annoying amount of photos of me and my niece and nephew as soon as I can! and probably a video or two...

and per my blog yesterday...I have no plans of actually quitting my job...but I do have plans to not go anywhere near it all day tomorrow!!!! you will find me instead at the movies...not thinking about work, deadlines, yelling, or anything that might stress me out!

oh baby!

Monday, August 27, 2007

remembering

last year in August I wanted to quit my job. then I went on a cruise, regained mental health and all was well.

this August I want to quit my job. I will soon be going on a cruise...I wonder how many times you can lose mental health before you can't regain it again?

who cares, I'm going on a cruise!

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Inquiring Minds (aka my mom) want to know...

My Survey for you!
Category: Life


Just sit back and relax: Think about what you really like and enjoy copying this and posting it on your blog...

1.) Weddings or Tea Parties?

Tea parties for sure!


2.) Favorite Food?

Taco Bell

3.) Favorite color for plates?

green I think...depends on my mood...and what's for dinner

4.) Favorite color for bedroom walls?

blue...although mine are green...

5.) Dining Style?

casual at some hole in the wall restaurant...love that...

6.) Gas or electric stove?

cook?!

7.) What do I like to BBQ best?

a better question would be what do I like others to BBQ for me! lol...um...steak!

8.) Meal I would make to impress a friend?

I'd take them out! (stole that answer from my sister! but it's still true!)

9.) Favorite dessert?

chocolate chocolate cake from Cafe Latte in St. Paul

10.) Style refrigerator you prefer?

umm...I have no idea. one where all my milk will fit nicely into the door...is that an option?

11.) Gardening or cooking?

well...gardening could kill me and cooking could kill others...so....

12.) What style car could someone say you are?

Ira once told me that I was conflicted when it came to my car...I drive a Jeep and decorate the inside with pretty flowery things...so if there was a car with the rugged and the beautiful that would be it.

13.) What kind of animal would a friend say you are like?

maybe a cat...a little bit lazy and does her own thing...

14.) Favorite piece of jewelry?

a necklace I can't seem to find at the moment...

15.) Favorite movie of all times?

French Kiss...still makes me laugh everytime I watch it.

16.) Favorite musical instrument?

I do love the piano...but the guitar can be so soothing...

17.) Favorite voice?

Beth Hart...talk about raw...no one could copy her sound

18.) What words would you just love to hear to describe you?

my all time favorite description came from my friend Beth when she said that when she thought of me she thought of the saying "still waters run deep" that was a huge compliment.

19.) Who would you just love to impress?

the world!

20.) How would you want to do that in 10 words or less?

um...with my stunning wit and personality of course!

21.) If you had one thing to do over and could make it end differently what?

oh gosh...um. nothing! well...there was this one time when I lost a hoola hoop contest to a dolphin...

22.) If there was one age you loved being what was it?

I happen to really be enjoying 30.

23.) How do you picture being 65 in 10 words or less?

adventures!

24.) What country would you really like to spend 2 weeks in?

Italy again :) loved that country...beautiful

25.) What would you like to invent?

I have no idea.

26.) Favorite magazine?

I have maybe twice in my life read through an entire magazine. I have no favorites.

27.) Cowboy on a horse or in a truck?

oh baby...who cares as long as he's got the hat!

28.) Are you afraid of thunder and lightening?

a little bit...

29.) Favorite temperature?

74 degrees

30.) Favorite vacation spot you have been already?

Anna Maria Island...LUV

31.) Cheap vacation you liked?

Hot springs as a kid

32.) Friend you want to do a road trip with?

well Jess and I already did one and I don't think there are to many others who could stand me for that long in that close of proximity...

33.) How would you change your looks for a new look?

blue hair...oh wait....

34.) Hair colors you have tried and liked?

um...blue...jury's still out

35.) Contests you have won?

I put 101 puffy cheetos in my mouth once and beat some other girl who only did 100...other than that...did I mention I lost a hoola hoop contest to a dolphin yet?

36.) Home improvement projects you have done well?

lol...um...painting?

37.) Favorite antique?

I have a couple old clocks that used to be my moms...they are pretty

38.) Favorite children's book?

Bread and Jam for Francis

39.) If you wrote a book what would the subject be?

my life

40.) Who would you enjoy meeting again from your high school?

Lindsey

41.) What question do you need an answer to today?

I'm good

42.) If you could build something what would it be?

a garage

43.) What is your most prized possession?

um...well, I do enjoy my camera lots.

44.) How many books have you read this year?

can't count....lots

45.) Novels or nonfiction?

a little of both

46.) Favorite author?

Francine Rivers is my all time fav

47.) What art forms do you enjoy the most visually?

photography

48.) What nature walks do you remember?

I almost fell off a mountain when I was a kid...that was memorable...

49.) What museum would I most likely find you visiting?

Louvre...I wish!

50.) How many hours of sleep do you need?

usually around 9

51.) Are you a cuddler or a "don't touch me"?

depends on whose askin!

52.) Do you like to fly or ride trains?

I luv luv luv to fly. Trains make me sick.

53.) What color do you like to wear to bed?

white

54.) If you designed a hat what style would it be?

big!

55.) Favorite number?

11

56.) Do you know your bank balance?

um...

57.) Do you rectify your checkbook every month?

sometimes

58.) Prefer to bank online or use mail?

online

59.) Favorite actress?

sandra bullock today

60.) Favorite actor?

John Cusack...although I can't think of a single movie he is in at the moment

61.) Do you respect one or both of your parents?

both!

62.) Can you speak to a crowd?

yes

63.) What would you like to tell the world?

be kind to eachother!

64.) Would you rather climb a mountain or go snorkeling?

snorkeling!

65.) Sport you simply love?

yeah...none.

66.) Something you achieved that you are proud of?

independance

67.) Favorite scripture passage?

Philippians 2

68.) Favorite book of the Bible?

I like different ones at different times

69.) Marriage good or singledom good?

singledom very good...I pray that marriage will some day be great.

70.) Best marriage you have seen?

kathy and jerry

71.) Have you been to a counselor?

as a kid with my family yes.

72.) Do you think medications hold the answer to mental balance?

sometimes it's the only way and the best way

73.) Do you fear doctors or dentists more?

um...neither really.

74.) If you could have perfect teeth in 5 years with braces or dental work would you do it?

I think my teeth are pretty straight as is...I'm lucky like that.

75.) What country would you live in besides the USA?

canada?

76.) What field of work would you think you could succeed in besides what you now do?

probably lots of things. I'm bossy :)

77.) Bounty hunter or Zoo-keeper?

bounty hunter!!!

78.) Road construction or Librarian?

Librarian...but in a library where they encourage people to dance on the tables instead of be quiet!

79.) Chef or Museum Curate?

Museum Curate I think...

80.) Photographer or Postal worker?

Photographer for sure.

81.) Model or CPA?

Model!!! only the kind that gets to eat!

82.) Actor or Fireman?

Fireman

83.) What are you hungry for right now?

food! kinda starved at the moment actually...

84.) What are you wearing today?

Jeans and a t-shirt

85.) Christmas or July 4th?

oh my gosh! I could NEVER choose! I love them both!!!!

86.) Do you have a tattoo?

yup

87.) Do you want a (another) tattoo?

not now...I reserve the right to change my mind at any time though

88.) Do babies make you feel soft and warm or like running away?

luv babies

89.) Do 5 year olds make you laugh?

every day!

90.) Are teens fun or challenging?

both!

91.) What facial expressions do you make when you think of kids?

usually my eyebrows wiggle and my eyes light up

92.) Are older folks interesting to you?

very

93.) Do nursing homes make you uncomfortable?

a little bit yes

94.) Do you like to ham it up for the camera?

have you seen my gazillion pictures posted on myspace?!

95.) What city in the USA would you like to live in for one year?

New York

96.) If money were no object would you stay where you are or move?

move

97.) Do you mind taking care of sick people on occasion?

I don't mind. not sure how good I am at it but I don't mind.

98.) Can you handle a medical emergency?

I have.

99.) Are you cool under pressure or fall apart?

cool mostly.

100.) Have you survived a disaster?

I was in a hurricane once...well, more like the northern end of a hurricane so that would be a tropical storm...I was on an island when it happened...

101.) If life full of joy or full of pain?

they seem to hold hands in my life.

102.) Glass half full or half empty?

Half full!!!

103.) Are you cool or hot?

cool

104.) Do you want to be a hero?

not really cause that would mean someone needed saving...I'd do it though if I was there and could help.

105.) What is your favorite dog breed?

not really a dog person

106.) Cat or dog?

neither?

107.) Diamonds or rubies?

diamonds

108.) Hot dogs or corn dogs?

corny!

109.) Chinese food or Italian?

chinese

110.) Cinderella or Tinkerbell?

tink!

111.) Where were you when 9/11 happened?

at church in the baby nursery watching the TV

112.) Favorite body part?

hands

113.) Are you superstitious?

not really

114.) Are you suspiscious?

nope

115.) Do you notice details?

yes but I don't always remember them later

116.) Favorite TV detective?

Matlock or Jessica Fletcher...both...

117.) Favorite cartoon character?

I like all things disney

118.) Do you want a pool or a tennis court?

pool

119.) Would you feed starving kids or help the humane society if you could?

starving kids!

120.) Do you fake bake, tan in the sun or avoid sun?

umm...depends.

121.) Favorite part of the newspaper?

comics

Copy and fill out. Post on Blog. See you there....

The big event

So this whole summer I have been working with my dept. at church on a huge two day event that we created literally from the ground up. From the vision of the event to the details of logo's and promotions it was all our ideas turned into a real live event. Typically we take the "nothing new under the sun" approach to events and find the best of what is already happenening and use it...work smarter not harder ya know? So this was a huge change of how we did things. But when God plops an idea into your laps and says run with it you run!
The best way I can share the vision is to just say that it has been my experience in the church world that when a family comes to church we split them all up and send them their seperate ways to be ministered to...women over here, men over here and kids over here...and then we say "families are what matter". Doesn't match up if you ask me. So we created an event where families came together, stayed together, invited other families along with and hopefully took a moment as a family to stop and make sure they were all on the same page...priorities, spiritually, direction wise...all that.
It would take me far to long to blog about what happened at the event as far as details go but I will say that it was a success and seeing people stop and take inventory of where they and their families were at spiritually made it all worth it...the days of hard work and investing into an idea paid off.

anyhow...it was a blast.

I will share one picture with you...one of the two nights with preschool we did a thing called "messy night". Pools filled with crazy messy stuff for the kids to dig out prizes and just have a sensory experience. Some of the parents decided that the shaving cream messy station needed to be experienced by everyone, including me...so before I knew it I was covered head to toe with Barbasol. I think I might still smell a little bit like a man :-)~


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Thursday, August 23, 2007

reactions

So I shouldn't be blogging right now because I have a gazillion and a half things to do still for tonight...but here I am.
I have been thinking about people's reactions to me a lot lately. Probably because of the blue hair. I have gotten some pretty funny reactions from people, like the little girl last night who said something to me then looked at me and before she could stop herself said "woah!!!!" and her eyebrows raised to her hair line...or the clerks at the store who's eyes say it all but their mouths can't cause it would be considered rude…or the nice cop who did the police report on my jeep being broken into the second time... or some of the people in my church who have said things that have been reported back to me like "she doesn't seem like the type of person to do something like that with her hair...I'm so surprised!" obviously people who don't know me that well.
Then there are the reactions people have because I'm a pastor. Like when they find out I don't listen to Christian music...and probably never will. That I have a tattoo. That as much as I love kids and with my work I am constantly surrounded by them, I don't want a huge family. That I mess up. That I come from a pretty normal (aka dysfunctional at times) family. That I don't swear but hanging around people who do doesn't even slightly bother me. (should it?) That my reasons for not drinking have very little to do with my being a pastor and a lot more to do with having had an alcoholic grandfather….stuff like that…
I know that along with a “title” comes people’s assumptions and expectations and for the most part I am okay with that because a lot of the things they are assuming and expecting are things I naturally would be minus the “title”…but there are days when I am beyond thankful for people in my life who just see me as friend Jamie or sister Jamie or a little crazy at times Jamie.
The weight of people’s assumptions and expectations is a lot to carry at times. It has never stopped me from being me though, it has just occasionally made me weary. Then I usually find that I am paying way to much attention to people’s reactions instead of God’s reaction to who I am.
I could walk away from ministry and do something else but the core of who I am would not change. The desire to make right choices always, the lifestyle I would live out, the type of things I do to keep busy, the relationships I engage in…my desire to be a woman of God…those things wouldn’t change…I guess I am just rambling a little at this point but these things have been floating through my thoughts all day today…so there ya go!

a gentle sunrise

So I am the furthest thing from a morning person and today was especially hard to drag my butt out of bed. As I was laying there attempting to reach consciousness I was giving God credit for his great idea of a sunrise...a gradual increase of light...a gentle ease into the day...seriously, that is a great idea. Of course waking up to a sunrise would require my having gone to bed at a decent hour...so instead I was greeted by a harsh alarm clock and the lights were turned on suddenly...blah...I think I prefer God's ways above mine!

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

funny

I had a kid ask me today if I dyed my hair blue or if it committed suicide...lol...I didn't know how to answer ;-)

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Night Sky

I was driving home from a crazy long day last night, crossing over Lake Nokomis I absolutely had to pull over and get out of my car...the night sky was beautiful...there was light hovering in the distance on the horizon and dark clouds overhead with the water a little choppy from the wind...well, they say a picture is worth a thousand words...i'm still figuring out the whole night time pic biz and here is the photo I took...turned out pretty good I think...you can be the judge...the real thing is of course seared in my memory and that truly was beautiful!



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Friday, August 17, 2007

a thought on love

just reading a little in the bible and ran across this passage...

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails."


That is a powerful description of love and quite a challenge for how to love.

dumb

my jeep was broken into again last night...I am going to park on the street for a while because according to the nice police officer I met today their has been a lot of mischief going on in the alley's of my neighborhood lately...

there are a lot of things I love about summer but this is not one of them!

oh well...

oh yeah...and ever since yesterday I have been craving cotton candy...I think it has something to do with my blue hair but I'm not exactly sure!

Psalm 23

Thursday, August 16, 2007

blue velvet

well...I really have no words...just look at the pics...they speak loudly enough I think...you can just call me blue velvet from now on...(thanks heidi)...I wonder if it's possible to get used to blue hair? hmm...


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Wednesday, August 15, 2007

I love a rainy night

Two times in the last week we have had some pretty major storms come through. The first night I pretty much slept through them and besides some tipped over trash cans there was no real obvious damage that I could see, a few trees were down which is kind of crazy because they were literally uprooted but all things considered it didn't seem to bad. I heard later that there were thousands of homes with out power, but it didn't effect me so I carried on my merry way.
Then Monday night the storms came again and I woke up this time! It was like there was an intergalactic war happening right over my house. The windows were shaking, the thunder was rolling and the rain was pounding...and wowzer if there wasn't an amazing light show going on as well...I put clothes on and clutched my cell phone and prayed that the sky wouldn't fall...I turned on the news and the newscaster was saying things about semi-drivers like "oh man! what an idiot! what a bonehead! I can't believe these people"...I have never heard a newscaster call someone a bonehead on live tv before...it made me laugh...after things calmed down finally, I pulled my camera out and tried out some of the night settings...they didn't really turn out very good but it was interesting anyways.
So today I drove around a bit to see what sort of damage had happened...my neighborhood was just fine but around my church...there are piles of branches and tree trunks everywhere. The landscape of this town is forever changed. I took a couple pics...crazy. There are plenty of trees that still need to be taken down before they cause even more damage and as far as I know there are still thousands with out power...

I feel like there are all kinds of analogies that could be written about comparing these storms to the storms that life brings our way...or to those in our lives...but I need to get back to work...

check out a few of my pics...




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Sunday, August 12, 2007

You're so Vain..

...I bet you think this blog is about you...but it's not...it's all about ME! hehe

The boys voted today at church and by thursday night of this week I will officially have a new look. I feel so blue thinking about it...(dumb joke sorry)

I am planning on wearing every conservative outfit I own before thursday...I don't think I can wear button down anything with blue hair...

I dyed my hair once. When I took the towel off...my hair was the exact same color. No wonder I liked the color on the box ;)

I think we'll aim for the Rock Star look...so don't be surprised if I stop talking to everyone, buy a fashion accessory dog and stay out every night 'till 3:00...and Jessi...when I come visit you, if my hair is still blue, could we maybe play a gig together? I mean...when else will I look the part?!

oh my. and for the record...everyone who comments on my new look MUST tell me how fabulous I look...if you have to-LIE!

Saturday, August 11, 2007

there are moments

So this morning I woke up kind of tired after a night of thunder and lightning and rain and a little tossing and turning. I went to get in my Jeep to leave for church only to find that all of my belongings were strewn about the inside of my jeep and the back window (it's a soft top) was slashed...someone had vandalized my jeep.
As I stood there waiting for the cops to come I stood in the alley leaning up against the front of my jeep and I grabbed my Bible. (after I called my mom of course) I honestly could only laugh about what had happened. I have run out of energy asking why these types of things keep happening to me..
I started mentally running down the list of things that have crossed my path in the last year that have been hard to deal with. Family things, relationship changes, work challenges, health issues, personal losses of property...and I couldn't help but flip to the book of Job.
Two parts at the start of the book jumped out at me.
"The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord. In all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong." and then "Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil? In all this Job did not sin with his lips."
I am starting to get the feeling that I am also being tested. okay, I've had the feeling for a while now...but there are moments when things become crystal clear and today as I stood and enjoyed a cool breeze and the smell of a morning after a storm I had my moment.
I don't know why I am being tested and to what end but I know this...I will take whatever God lets come my way and I will endeavor to keep my eyes on Him and to keep my spirit sweet. I will hold loosly to the things of this world and I will hang on with all my heart and might to the truths of God. My feelings will not be determined by my circumstances, they will be lined up with the word of God. I will let the Joy of the Lord be my strength...I will not try to handle things on my own.
And I will call my insurance guy and get my dumb window fixed ;-) and I will locate some duct tape soon so that the annoying sound of plastic flapping in the wind goes away in the meantime...lol...

Friday, August 10, 2007

troubled waters

"Sometimes, if you stand on the bottom rail of a bridge and lean over to watch the river slipping slowly away beneath you, you will suddenly know everything there is to be known."
-Pooh's Little Instruction Book, inspired by A. A. Milne

I spent last night walking the Stone Arch bridge, joining the crowd who was gathered trying to catch a glimpse of what was left of the 35W bridge. I went alone so I could wander and take pictures and just listen...and breathe in the experience. There were tributes everywhere. Words of grief left behind by others who had visited before me. Flowers placed facing the bridge in honor of those lost. Police officers still strategically placed to keep people away from going places they shouldn't be. Camera's out filming and taking snapshots of the passers by and the sights...proof that they had been there and lived through something tragic and personal. Fathers walking their small children across the bridge trying to talk to them about what had happened, pointing things out and then buying them treats from the icecream cart that was also on the bridge..kids are kids even when standing right next to devestation. Thank God. Taking a moment to pray for the families who lost someone. God help them.

Here are a few of the images I captured. I'm no photographer but for me they tell the story.



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Wednesday, August 08, 2007

tinkle

just when i thought I'd seen it all...i saw with my own eyes an 8 mo old darling tinkle on the toilet...she does all her business on the potty if mom or grandma are there...others she won't cooperate for...I just happened to be around for potty time...check out this cutey-petutey!

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Tuesday, August 07, 2007

beautiful child

in order to give what I need to give in my work and ministry I have to keep my tank full...so that I have something to give. The question is then posed...what fills my tank?
one of the things that does it for me is baby time. I spent the whole night tonight lovin' on Tobi and smiling at her and kissing on her and laughing at her cute baby coo's and grunts (she's a noisey one!). I could feel my tank being filled. It is so easy to be happy when smiling into the face of pure innocence and hope.
i also got to talk to my nephew on the phone earlier today and listen to him say "jamie, love you" in his little sing-songy-voice and then show me how he could count...didn't actually understand him but I could tell he was counting...there was a certain rhythm to the words he was saying that made it pretty clear even though it was slightly funny sounding. and then little evie squealing her heart out in the background...oh my...my heart overflows for those kids.

there are other things that fill my tank but tonight I spent my time with one particular beautiful child and I think I will sleep a little easier tonight because of it.

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it's alive!!!!

I posted a blog on June 1st that said this:

"I'm sitting in my office at work and I can hear a toy making noise in the next room, only I can't find it....it's driving me NUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

about two weeks later it quit making noises...figured the batteries prolly died and I had no plans to replace them...and now today, August 7th..........it has come back alive with no assistance from anyone else...I think I may walk it out to the nearest dumpster (figured out it was an elmo toy phone)...might scare some homeless people with all it's racket but at least I won't be going crazy from the randomness of it's noise...all day long...over and over...

complete come apart

so I had a complete come apart yesterday. my friend heidi sat patiently and kindly on the other end of the phone for an hour and a half while I talked, cried, yelled, cried. what it took me that long to get out of my system, I recapped in 5 minutes to my other friend kristen who was around in the background the whole time I was ranting on the phone to heidi.
heidi got it in it's most raw form...everything that's been swirling around inside of me for like the last 6 mo or more....of course there was one event that happened yesterday that set it all off inside of me and really while that event was in and of itself not something I enjoyed it certainly wasn't enough to put me over the edge the way it did.
today I sit back and think through everything I said and felt and I feel a little relieved to have finally said it out loud (poor heidi). nothing has changed. my life is what it is. but I feel better somehow.
I feel like I know a little better what I want and maybe now I can start moving in the direction of things changing. I realize this blog is more than a little vague and today I write this more for me than for anyone reading. a bit of a proverbial steak in the ground for myself.

I heard a speaker once talk about how we need to check the gauges in our life...for me the stress gauge is in the red zone and the fun gauge isn't even registering. and not just at work but everywhere. so here I sit in a car with the wheels spinning and the gauges telling me somethings "off"...the check engine light is on and I need to talk to my mechanic to find out what the next step should be. He may very well tell me to just sit tight and wait. I have a feeling that may be what he says. that's fine I can sit and wait. just no more wheel spinning okay?

Kristen sent me an email today that I am going to post with this blog. It was perfectly what I needed to hear today. I am soooooo blessed to have friends (and family too) who will listen to me and encourage me and most importantly pray for me.
You know that Bible story where the man is lowered through the roof of a house to be placed right in front of Jesus? That story is cool for a lot of reasons but today I am impressed with the people who got him on the roof, held the ropes and lowered him to the feet of Jesus...



**
Came across these two pieces from Ruth Graham while working on a project this morning and thought they might lighten your load a little. The last one seems especially practical ....


Ever Feel Like Running Away?

Sometimes it seems that troubles descend on us like a sudden storm that dumps 10 inches of rain in 24 hours. Troubles so often come in bunches or in such rapid succession that we barely have time to catch our breath between them.

We don't live on a perpetual high, and neither did the Psalmist David. He once longed for the wings of a dove so that he might fly away and be at rest (Psalm 55:6). We'd settle for the wings of a 747 plane —or even a Piper Cub!

In Isaiah 40:31 I discovered God's promise to us: those who "wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint" (Isaiah 40:31, KJV ).

So it boils down to running away or waiting. The key seems to be "waiting on the Lord" (Cf. Isaiah 40:31).

In our "instant" generation most of us don't wait easily. But we need to learn. F. B. Meyer wrote, "Prayer means not always talking to Him, but waiting before Him till the dust settles and the stream runs clear."

Jeremiah, in the most dismal of circumstances, wrote: "The Lord is good unto them that wait for Him" (Lamentations 3:25, KJV).


When We Are Just Plain Tired

Discouragement is the devil's calling card, and he tries to discourage us by making us think that our frustration or irritability is a result of some spiritual fault. But we may be just plain tired.

Do you remember the Prophet Elijah? At one point he was so tired that he wanted to give up. He told God that he just couldn't go on. God didn't lecture Elijah on his faults and failures, causing him to be more discouraged than he was. No, God sent an angel to awaken Elijah and give him something to eat and drink. Then Elijah lay down and slept again.

When we are worn-out or exhausted, or at the end of our physical resources, Satan tries to persuade us that we have a spiritual problem. In reality our problem may be a physical one. And maybe, like Elijah, we need to get some rest.

Monday, August 06, 2007

i can't breathe

literally and figurativelly.

they are painting all the doorways and windows with oil based paint and I can't breathe...I have a headache.

we have a big event (sounds small when I put it that way) coming up and I am feeling way behind and the people I thought I had helping me have been whisked away to help with "more important" things...yeah...that bites for so many reasons...including the fact that I now feel like I can't breathe...and did I mention I have a headache?

if you read this blog and happen to pray, could you maybe pray for a breathe of fresh air to come my way? if I don't get it soon I may require an oxygen tank to live through all of this...(drama queen jamie just whispered that one in my ear)

Sunday, August 05, 2007

I found something I’d been looking for...

no it wasn't my mind. that's a lost cause ;)

what I found was something that went missing roughly 4 years ago...my spare key to my jeep. yup. 4 years. I realize that I have a reputation for lost keys and this story does not help my cause but I was just so pleased to have found it after so very long that I couldn't help but share.

restless

For some reason lately I have been feeling restless...I don’t mean just this week or the last couple days...but for a while now...I don’t know why and I can’t put my finger on it..I don't want to do anything to impulsive with these feelings but rather keep my eyes wide open to what might be coming...it's a strange place to be standing right now.



Sara Evans seems to say it better than me..

"I’m a leaf on the river, fallen from the tall oak tree
drifting down this moving stream, wherever this life carries me
I’m a tumbleweed in a desert wind, just tumblin’ while the sun’s shinin’
I have no boundaries
Call me a gypsie

I’m restless
Just ramblin’
What do you do, where do you go when nowhere feels like home?
I’m restless

Am I an angel, fallen from heaven’s grace
Oh it feels like that somedays that I can’t find my place
I guess God just made some of us to live and die by highway dust
Guess I just have to trust
On the days I’m crawlin’
This is my callin’

I’m restless
Just ramblin’
What do you do, where do you go when nowhere feels like home?
I’m restless

Oh, to hold somebody close that cares
Oh, to finally find some roots somewhere
I know someday I’ll find that it’s out there
Until then I’ll just keep movin’
And ramblin’

What do you do, where do you go when nowhere feels like home?
I’m restless
Just ramblin’
Oh I’m restless"

Saturday, August 04, 2007

this one thing I'm sure of..

..this is it, God is love.

I have the Dave Pedde song stuck in my head...I've always loved the tune and the words..good combo ;)

I spent the whole morning with a couple who is going through round 3, their final round, of Invitro. The first time she didn't get pregnant, the second time she did and it ended up being a tubal pregnancy resulting in the baby being lost and her tubes also. This is the final shot. No pressure!

She has invited me along to all of the retrievals and the transfers. And I was one of the first to be called when they lost the baby. As her pastor and friend I feel so privledged and a huge responsibility with the trust they have placed with me.

I always get a little shy about this but one of the reasons she wants me there is to sing to her. (the other is to pray) I guess that talent of mine has come in handy for different things than I ever imagined. When you're a kid you imagine being a super star or singing on Broadway...you get a little older and still have your gift but follow a different path and wonder how you can still use some of the talents you have been given...I think of David in the Bible and how he used the gift of music to calm King Saul. There is something really calming about music and especially when you are singing about what God has done and is able to do. As I sit in a hospital room and sing while doctors walk in and out and her husband stands there, I have to fight the urge to want to melt into a puddle and dissappear because I feel self conscious, but to see her visable relax while I'm singing is great. I feel useful. I am greatful for the gifts God has given me. A voice and some guts! another good combo ;)

Today went great for them and I pray that they will know the joy of having a baby. I'd love to hold that little one and sing a few lullaby's. That would be such a joy.

Thursday, August 02, 2007

snapshots

I have been thinking about this concept of snapshots and how it relates to people's lives and the glimpses seen from the outside, now let's see if I can articulate it...

I post a few pictures of myself and you get a snapshot of a moment in my life or day. I post a blog with a story about me and you get another kind of snapshot of a moment in my life or day. We talk on the phone and share thoughts and ideas from a distance...another snapshot is taken. We meet for lunch, or church, or a meeting, or at a baby shower, or in Wal-mart...a few more snapshots are taken. I decide to tell you what I think about and what's important to me...more snapshots. Before you know it you have a collection of snapshots.

How many snapshots do you need to see before it turns into a flip book and how many more before you are watching a movie? Who's really all that interested in seeing my movie anyways I wonder sometimes...I know a few people who are and I am so greatful because they keep me real. It's easy to hide things when all people see are snapshots...a little easier to hide things when you're looking at someone's flip book...but the movie...leaves little out...not much hiding going on and it's usually kind of obvious when you try...

Sometimes because of time and location you never get past the flip book stage...and sometimes because of history with a person you know what the start of their movie looks like but now it's all herky jerky because pieces are missing. There are people I wish I could get more snapshots of for sure.

Last night as I watched endless hours of breaking news about the bridge collapsing I couldn't help but think about how I was getting a snapshot into the lives of so many people. Not by their choice.

I pray that the people who know the victims so well, who are a part of their movies, find peace today...especially the ones who have lost everything.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Thought I'd share some of the pics of the painting project I've been working on (along with a ton of amazing volunteers). These pics are all of it in process but it gives you a good idea of what it will look like in the end. The only thing actually finished in any of the pics is the white picket fence...it's outlined in black and looks very cartooney...eventually everything will be outlined like that and it will all have that same feel to it. kind of fun! There's 10 pics total I think...

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

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So Much to Love

I love people. I love bright eyes. I love my sons, Judah & Lucas. I love laughing. I love my ringtone. I love love. I love Jesus. I love tattoos. I love milk. I love creative expression. I love smiles. I love Philippians. I love bridges. I love my house and haven. I love a rainy night. I love doing nothing. I love almonds and banana chips. I love music. I love cowboy hats. I love Anna Maria Island. I love (diet) dr.pepper. I love a good story. I love wildflowers. I love to fly. I love rod iron. I love babies. I love going to the movies. I love midnight. I love allegra. I love sunsets. I love long kisses. I love the color red. I love starshollow. I love community. I love doing life with friends. I love witty banter. I love jessilynn.com. I love my family. I love pretty things. I love cruisin' with my girls. I love remembering when. I love authentic individuals. I love hot tamales. I love when kids giggle. I love Lance. I love bonfires. I love finding people I thought I'd lost. I love yard sales. I love tacobell. I love seeing people do good. I love violins and steel guitar. I love driving to the airport. I love seeing people around me succeed at their dreams. I love being included. I love flipflops. I love blogging. I love long talks. I love dreaming.

Always On My Mind

Welcome to my blog.  I am glad you stopped by!  I choose to write my thoughts and share the joys of my life in this forum.  I hope you will read and say hi when you can!  Blessings!
Jamie
Fame is a vapor, popularity an accident, and riches take wing. Only one thing endures and that is character. 
~Horace Greeley