haunted

I am being haunted by something I ate yesterday...stupid halloween...I feel sick. guess I won't be eating my candy corn today afterall!

I wish I didn't have to go to work and that I could stay home and hide from all the trick 'r treaters. Although I'm sure it will be fun and their will be kids dressed all cute to oodle over there too...

One of the funniest halloween memories I have...my friend Rory set his front porch up as a haunted house...his friend John dressed like a stuffed man...kids would come in and take candy out of a bowl by John and he'd grab their hands right before they made candy contact and would scare the bejeebers out of people...usually the parents were the ones to scream...
the reason it was soooo funny was because Rory set up a video camera with live video feed in his house for everyone to sit and watch the scary fun...hightech haunting. Only he would think to do that.

anyone else have a fun memory to share?

Joyful

I had a last minute opportunity today to head to Rochester to the Mayo Clinic to visit a friend from church who is in the middle of a health crisis. As a pastor I occasionally get to be a part of people's lives in a way that is very unique...tonight we went so we could show love and support and to pray but I walked away feeling like I was the one who got something out of the night...I was completely blown away.
The stories told about wheel chair dancing, joyful encounters and impromptu music times in the lobby with people on surrounding balcony's joining in were inspiring to say the least.
To see a woman whose body is broken but whose spirit is alive and well and bringing life to every one she encounters was such a reminder of what is truley important.

I of course took a few pics...the first is of the lobby at Mayo...the sculpture on the wall is massive...and has quite a story but you'll have to google it if you want to know more cause I didn't catch all the details myself..something about germany and hitler and freedom...the next one is a night time view of Rochester which caught some reflections...and the third is just a few smiling faces...it was hard not to smile...joyful people no matter what their circumstances bring it out of others...

what a lovely night.

expression

I keep thinking about the word expression...and how over the last couple years I have found a way to express myself through writing that I didn't have before. I seem to have so much going through my heart and mind all the time. So much that occasionally when I go to speak it I sound like a bumbling idiot...my voice doesn't always do justice to what's going through me...writing seems to be a good outlet...gathering images is another form of expression for me...whether I take them or someone else does...doesn't matter to me if it somehow captures that feeling I can't put words to. and then there's music...oh how I wish I could write songs like my sister...she uses such expression in her lyrics...so I piggy back...on hers and so many others...I collect songs and sounds that I already feel rushing through me and others have somehow put movement to. I have been accused of having to much fun when someone sees me making faces at the babies I love on at church..accuse away..I know I look silly but that's the point...expressing with my face the pure silly joy of innocense and a smile.

I find solace in other people's expression...something kindred...

take 3

well...my first couple attempts this year at keeping a calendar were thwarted...but I do not give up easily! I purchased another one today and it's little enough I can put it in my back pocket if I need to instead of on the roof of my car...fool me once!

I was trying to convince my mom the other day that it is a sign from the heavenly's that I keep losing my calendar...as if God wants me to not make any plans...ever...she thinks maybe he's telling me to get a better system to keep myself organized...

anyway you slice it I am going to be working harder at being more available for the things I really want to spend my time on (aka the person I really want to spend my time with...)I just have to get through a very busy november...I kind of want to lose my calendar again...makes me tired looking at it...

there's just something about it...

the heart of the matter. the thing in your core that keeps you waking up every day. what does my life revolve around? there are days it revolves around my schedule. days it revolves around what I want at that moment. days it revolves around my future. days it revolves around other people in my life and what they need. every day holds what it holds...but ultimately...big picture...my life revolves around the thing most important to me...

when I was a little girl my mom would sing a certain song...I've probably mentioned it before...it's a favorite of mine...today it is resonating in my core...the sweetest thing I know...



Jesus Jesus Jesus
There's just something about that name
master savior jesus
like the fragrance after the rain
Jesus Jesus Jesus
Let all heaven and earth proclaim
Kings and kingdoms shall all pass away
but there's something about that name

As I watch how he works in my life I am amazed. The people he has brought my way, the opportunities. I am humbled.

"you never told me about cats, I thought it was a tiny lion"

so I fell asleep on my couch this afternoon with the tv on...when I woke up there was (still is) an interesting movie on called "the bride"...something to do with frankenstein I suppose...this girl saw a cat and started screaming and her response...hahahahahahahaha...of course...a tiny lion...who writes this stuff?! I want to meet them. for real.

there is so much to laugh at in this crazy life.

and for some odd reason the girl screaming reminded me of the time my friend heidi freaked out while watching the movie "The Jerk"...during the cat juggling scene...hehe....girl you kill me...

Scary

So it's that time of year where people hang skeletons from tree's...where I can't watch TV because of all the scary commercials...where myspace has some scary SawIII promo that makes me flinch...where people on facebook throw spiders at me (ew!)...and everyone's obsessing over how to dress their kids up and still stay warm (that might just be a MN thing...)

I remember my friend angie went and saw that movie Carrie in the theatre's when we were kids..my mom wouldn't let me go (thank you mom)...so after it was done ang came to spend the night with me and tell me all about it...scarriest part? she slept with her eyes OPEN that night...seriously...if I'd gone to that movie and then seen her sleep with her eyes open I'd be even more scarred than I am! I always think about it when I think of scary things.

So today...in my attempt to join in all the scary fun...I have decided to not wear makeup...hehe...for real...no make up...it's the minimalist way of dressing up..err...I mean down...for halloween...but only for today...don't want to scare everyone away for good!

I might go to a halloween party tonight...via skype...if I do...and it's worth talking about I may tell you how it goes...

I think I'm going to buy me some candy corn today...

pretty things

I love pretty things...

I started a blog filled with things I think are pretty...

if you want to take a peek that's fine by me...

www.blissfullyloving.blogspot.com

if not, that's fine by me too...there's really nothing of substance on it...it's just very girly...like me ;)

bonus

I found like 7 bucks in the pocket of my jeans today...I got all excited until I remembered my sister wore them last...

don't worry jess, I'll buy you something nice ;)

at least it wasn't a baby!

Yeah...so tonight I left my calendar on top of my car and drove off...at least it wasn't a baby! I was helping sir gav out of my car with his crutches so needed my hands free...and then little miss princess needed a lift...guess I just forgot in the middle of all my good deeds! hehe...

There was a time and place not so long ago where I was organized, together, one step ahead of myself at all times...oh where oh where have those days gone?! they blew away in the wind just like my schedule!

other than that I had a nice day. even that didn't really phase me, it actually made me laugh...I have an odd sense of humor what can I say?!

can't stop smiling

that's all. just thought I'd share.

oh baby it's cold outside

it's very chilly today. i wore my flip flops and my toes are cold. we have already started talking christmas around here for planning purposes. seems like when we start talking about it, I blink and it's here. I am resolving to take lots of moments this holiday season though to stop and smell the gingerbread! I may not get to decorate my house this year or spend christmas with my family and thanksgiving may be a whirlwind of comings and goings and eating galore, but it will be good if I find ways to enjoy each moment as they come my way.

maybe I'll put a tree up in my office...hmmm...that could work...

calm down people, I'm not putting it up today! I have to get through halloween first! lol

pause

I feel the need to pause. I'm not stopping anything, I'm not going backwards and I'm not going forwards...just a pause...a pause so that I can...I don't know...think. breathe. pray. enjoy.

I started another ball rolling today...simple is the goal...

Pressure builds with out help from anything but my mind. My whirlwind thoughts, treadmill thoughts, hampster wheel thoughts, raging river thoughts. I want out of my head somedays.

I talked to a tree tonight. Don't worry, I didn't hug it. This isn't the exact tree but it looks like her a little...if you squint...

very sweet

Just remembered another sweet moment from this morning worth sharing. One of the dad's at church asked me to check on his 3 yr old daughter in her class. So I went in said "darlin' your dad wants me to ask if you are doing okay, are you okay?" She looked at me for a sec with a look that said "that's an odd question" and then said she was fine thank you. I asked her if she wanted me to tell her dad anything and she said no (same odd look on her face.) Then you could see her realize that even though her daddy wasn't right there she could communicate with him through me. She got my attention again (several other girls were talking to me at this point) and said "could you just tell him one thing for me?" "of course doll what would you like me to tell him" "Just tell him that I love him" (melt).
So very sweet. I of course agreed.

I fell in love today

Someone asked me yesterday what one of my favorite things to do was. The first thing that came to mind was music. Probably because it's something I am rediscovering as a love. (last night went so good)
But today I have changed my mind. My favorite thing to do? hold a brand new baby. There is absolutely nothing that compares. Today's baby d'jour...one month old, dark skin, perfect lips, unfocused eyes, new baby smell, complete innocence. Since I run the joint I took the opportunity to make sure all my bases were covered so I could snuggle him (aka hog). He stole my heart.

There's another little guy here who I love to pieces and today I had the joy of making him stay in a 10 minute time out while he kicked me. Ahh...he was sooo cute when he was brand new...and I remember it well...but for all his strong will and moments of defiance...he's got my heart too.

back into my life

I have a gift. I can sing. I haven't been using my gift. Various reasons. Life.

I've been figuring out how to add music back into my life.

No small task.

Music with my sis is part of the puzzle.

Music at church is another piece.

Tonight I sing. Nothing fancy. Not a solo, just part of a team. But it's music.

A moment where I feel so close to the one who gave me the gift.

So good for my soul.


"I think I should have no other mortal wants, if I could always have plenty of music. It seems to infuse strength into my limbs and ideas into my brain. Life seems to go on without effort, when I am filled with music." -George Eliot

Time Warp

Ever felt like you walked into a time warp? Last night's radio show Jess and I played was a trip to say the least. Between the peace banners hanging from the walls and the faint smell of an emptied bong and insense combined I felt like I'd walked into every movie ever made about the 60's. Add in the funky lamps, burning candles, the smell of alcohol and 20 people's sweaty bodies and well...let's just say it was an experience for the senses.

And when the man with dread locks started his Spoken Word performance right out of the shoot I knew we were in for a ride. The interview style was that of pure randomness. "so jessi, where are you from" she starts to answer....someone breaks in (like 12 people had mics) "did you ever hear the one about the trophy wife?" what the? huh? no really. it was that random.

We sang four songs and sounded like rock stars (woot!). Jessi IS a rock star and I'm her bgv girl who lives vicariously. There was another girl who did some music after Jess and I, she was good, a local artist. And besides that there was a ton of random chatter that I'm pretty sure didn't translate on the radio...but it was fun to chill in Jazzy-J's psychedelic living room with a group of people I otherwise wouldn't have met were it not for my sis.

Peace, Love, Hippie and here's some photo's of the fun times...none of us singing cause my arms aren't that long...

check it out

So my sister is coming to visit me..sort of. she's actually coming to do a radio show and staying with me and taking me along for the ride :) same diff.

apparently, according to a bulletin she posted on myspace, I will be singing with her...guess I better learn the words to her songs tonight! It is radio so I could take a cheat sheet...but it's radio in someone's living room with an audience so...probably shouldn't take a cheat sheet...

anyhow...you can take a listen while it's happening if you want online...

Check it out tomorrow night (Oct 18) at 9PM!!! that would be MN time.

www.twincitiesradio.net

www.jessilynn.com is her website if you miss it and still want to take a listen to some of her music...I sing bgv's on 2 of her albums...so fun btway...

okay..that's that.

maybe if it's not odd I'll sneak my camera along and take a few photo's of the show to share later on...

my thoughts

my thoughts and prayers are in korea tonight. one of my best friends met his birth mom. I am dying to hear how it went. He tells me that korean's are light sensitive which is why they squint and that korean's sweat at night...which makes me think I might be korean...I'm light sensitive and I sweat at night too! he could be my brother.
Twon is one of those friends who I couldn't shake if I wanted and I don't want to. To his wife's horror he tells people we dated for 3 yrs in college (in his dreams is what I say as I roll my eyes every time)...and he's always trying to get me to live with him...even now...lol...I introduced him to his gorgeous wife actually...he kept saying that I could live with him and his roommates and that my rent would be reduced 100$ for every beatiful woman I introduced him to. I think he owes me some serious money cause all my friends happen to be beautiful!

how sureal and great to meet the woman who gave you such an amazing life. If I could meet her I'd thank her for sharing her son...and I know there are many others who would say the same...
adoption is a pretty cool thing.

just for fun

If I die of something macabre and gastley this is how I want to go....



how about you?

;-)

Check out the tinies and let me know your favorite letter...and if you are horrified well...muahahahaha!

http://www.geocities.com/sunsetstrip/stage/7535/gorey.html


I knew for like 5 seconds how to link...not sure anymore...seemed so simple wonder why I can't figure it out anymore...

what makes you laugh?

I am probably one of the most easily entertained people in existance...ask anyone who knows me...

calm

a good nights sleep

a deep breath

I don't know if either are possible where I am right now.

stirring

unrest

eyes open, eyes closed, prayers lifted, fears calmed

peace for now

rest comes later

trust

living life with my eyes wide shut

So much of the time I want to do things my way. I think I see what the best way is to handle something, I rely on what I can see for making choices.
And yet what I think I see often isn't a true perception, things change, my eyes are cloudy with what I am thinking about..I go the wrong way because it "looks" easier.

It is time for me to close my eyes and let God take the lead.

No peeking.

One day at a time, one choice at a time, one conversation at a time, one prayer at a time.

Ever played that game where you're blindfolded and being led around by someone who has their site and it's a metaphore for trust? That's what this feels like. And while I still manage to stumble at times I know that God is right there ready to catch me and guide me. That's a great feeling.

burned into my memory

Earlier this year I was crazy sick. It took about 3 weeks to figure out I had mono and during those 3 weeks I thought I was dying. I could barely function. But a girl's gotta have groceries even if she can't hold her head up so I dragged my sorry little self to the store one night around midnight to get supplies. I had tried calling several of my friends to go for me but of course couldn't get a hold of any one.
So I lean on a cart and throw a few essentials in and basically had to give up at that point cause I couldn't stand for much longer, I could tell I was running a fever again and I just wanted to get back home at that point. So I head for the check out only to be met with possibly one of the most chipper people alive. He was chatty and my one word responses went unnoticed. He had one of those loud voices and laughs that kind of grate...He took his sweet time checking my items out commenting on each one. I find chipper people annoying when I'm well...when I'm sick I have no words to describe how I feel about them...anyhow, his face was burned into my memory.
Since then I have shopped at that same store and I always pick somone elses line because his mere existance reminds me of how miserable I felt at that time.
But tonight, I couldn't avoid him. His was the ONLY line. So again with the chipper. Of course I'm not sick this time so he was merely annoying. I'm sure he's a perfectly nice guy and working in a grocery store late at night could possibly be one of the most boring jobs out there...but still...stop with the chipper!

an a"maze"ing day

So yesterday a group of us headed out to Afton Apple Orchard. It is a MN past time that I've never participated in up to this point. I always thought it sounded fun but it just never worked out to go.

It was enjoyable in a lot of ways.

I picked 4 raspberry's. yup. only 4. Not really a nature lover here...there was a lot of green and grass and nature and willingly touching it all wasn't happening for me. I took some fun pics of the group though. And almost fell over laughing when I heard a little boy exclaim with unbridled enthusiasm "There's raspberry's EVERYWHERE!" as if it was the single coolest thing he'd ever seen in his entire life.

I enjoyed walking through the pumpkin patch. Dirt and pumpkins is my kinda nature.

I actually picked an apple right off a tree and ate it...I felt very mother nature at that moment. Although...besides the picking it right off a tree part it was pretty much like eating an apple I bought at cub foods...lol...

They had a petting zoo and I realized later that I'd taken like 12 pictures of goats. for real. what am I ever going to do with 12 pictures of goats?! and let's not forget the 5 pictures of a lamma I took either..oh my.

After our hay ride and nature loving tree hugging time in the orchards we headed over to the corn maze. It was fun for a little while...pretty soon though it felt like we were going in circles and there was endless corn every direction you looked...oh wait...that's exactly what it was like. I'd do it again though. Maybe.

We ended the night with a bon fire and smores and hot chocolate. Or in my case hot milk since I forgot to add the chocolate...lol...it was good either way.

Lots of memories were made and shared and some were even captured in pictures. What a day!

Here's a couple pics. I didn't post any of the group cause they may not want to be featured on my bloggorama so sorry folks but you just get to see a few mugs shots of little ol' me.

Watch me now

"The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak."
Hans Hofmann

My life is about to get really simple. Watch and see.

The ball is rolling and the future is bright.

I might not like change but I'm not afraid of it.

trivia

I found out some things about myself today.

I have lost something like 14 lbs in the last 9 mo with out trying. Probably mono related.

I am actually 6 ft and a half inch tall...not 6'1" like I've thought for so long.

I still don't like people invading my personal space with out my permission and sometimes even with my permission I cringe.

It is possible to dye my teeth pink if the frosting on the cupcake is vibrent enough.

Taco Bell is still my comfort food.

And Beth Hart turned up on the stereo makes me want to sing at the top of my lungs.

A very revealing day.

I had the most precious conversation last night with a little girl here at church. Well, she's not that little anymore...she's probably around 10 now. But I remember when she was just a little bitty.
I won't go into the details of the conversation because I'd feel bad breaking her confidence in me but needless to say it is amazing the things that kids think about and deal with.
Come to think of it I had several really precious conversations yesterday. It is amazing to me that people trust me with the details of their lives. I think I can learn from them even while they are asking for my input.

my superpowers

Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.

- Kurt Vonnegut

(thanks burke, that email made me laugh and inspired me...this blog is your fault)



my superpowers are very limited.

I can't predict the future.

I can't read minds.

I can't fly.

I can't be invisible.

I can't move objects with my mind.


I like to imagine that I can though...


If I could have any superpower I think I'd pick the flying one. It always feels so good in my dreams when I fly. Like a bird.
The being invisible one doesn't really make sense because then you'd have to have invisible clothes which I don't think would be possible so you'd have to be naked all the time. And weather would give away your location...okay, I know I am a nerd. I actually think about these things..
The time travel one would be nice too...I could travel ahead about 4 days from now and be done with the budget.

I know I know. If you're working on the budget so hard what the heck are you doing blogging?! it's a coping mechanism. I leave the room for 5 minutes and I write...so I don't scream...lol...whatever, I don't even know how to scream actually. so I guess that's not the real reason is it...
I have a bit of an overactive imagination...he says "what about the PNL line item 43 in jan of 07 in regards to...blah blah blah." and I hear "it's raining men hallelujah" lol

Oh to be in my head...but there's only room for one!

things that make my head hurt

Today, only one thing.

Figuring out next years budget.

ouch!

It requires you to predict the future and be good at math...not my best abilities really. And yet there I sit, trapped in a room for hours on end doing just that.

anyone want to come rescue me?

yeah, I didn't think so.

Journey

So the last couple weeks I have been thinking through some things. One of them being how independant I am. I see it as a good thing and as a bad thing. Usually every coin has two sides right?
I haven't lived at home since I was Jr. in highschool. I have paid my own bills and made my own way and taken personal responsibility for my life for a long time now. I have survived numerous people walking through my life (notice I didn't say into but through) and I have a level of self confidence in myself and my choices that not every one has. I know this about myself and I also know that it comes a little bit from necessity but mostly because I find my worth in God and I trust that He will lead me and help me through whatever comes my way. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that while I may not always be able to hang my own light fixtures and I need people to talk to and I value relationships that I can keep doing my own independant thing for ever and I'd be fine.
Of course like I said every coin has a flip side. I think my independance has caused me to not ask for help when I need it cause I'm used to doing things on my own. It has made people from the outside look at me and think I have it all together (ha!). There's other stuff too but I don't really feel like dwelling at the moment cause it makes me sad.

anyhow, for a long time (years) I have loved the concept that everyone travels their own path, sometimes path cross, sometimes they merge but either way you are in charge of your own path, it's between you and God. When I was in college I helped run the Delta Kappa women's ministries and that year the theme was all about people's journey's. At this point Sara Groves was just starting out her music career and through connections we were able to have her come and speak at a retreat we were doing. I had a chance a few weeks before the retreat to sit down with sara and share about this concept and the theme. For our retreat she wrote a song which was then on her next album. One of my many (hehe) claims to fame. I inspired a song! woot woot! okay, just let me believe what I want okay?

anyhow, here are the lyrics...this song still speaks to me on a very personal level. I may be too independant at times from people in my life but I am completely the opposite when it comes to God. I depend on him for my very essence.

The Journey
Sara G

When I stand before the Lord, I'll be standing alone. This journey is my own. Still I want man's advice, and I need man's approval, but this journey is my own. . Chorus: Why would I want to live for man and pay the highest price? What would it mean to gain the world, only to lose my life? . So much of what I do is to make a good impression. This journey is my own. So much of what I say is to make myself look better. This journey is my own. . Chorus . I have never felt relief like I feel it right now. This journey is my own. 'Cause trying to please the world it was breaking me down, it was breaking me down. . Now I live and I breathe for an audience of one, now I live and I breath for an audience of one. Now I live and I breathe for an audience of one, 'cause I know this journey is my own. . Chorus . You can live for someone else, and it will only bring you pain. I can't even judge myself. Only the Lord can say, "Well done."

There's a body in my basement.

No really.

I have to find my mouse removal kit that I invested in last year this time...tongs, plastic bag and gloves...

grrrr...

wish I could figure out where those little buggers were coming in...if I have a repeat of last fall I might lose my freaking mind.

rest

"You find rest in the little things. The small things and moments that recharge you and refresh you."

This is something someone said last week at the conference I was attending. It stuck with me. I couldn't answer the question of what those little things were for me when first asked. But after some thought and observation I came up with a list. I think I should add "list making" to the list ;) Now my challenge is to live a life of rest. How to have more moments of recharging and less of the draining things (there isn't a list long enough for those things in my life!). I'm up for a good challenge though so bring it on!

For me...
holding a baby. music for the soul. time with God. writing. a nice long bath. a clean house. smiling at a stranger. laughing. silence. thankfulness. talking with people who "get" me. a good book. taking pictures.

I think I am far to serious sometimes and that I think I am way more important than I really am when it comes to my work and my calling. I certainly act like it when I take things home with me emotionally that I shouldn't, carry things around on the inside that aren't my business but God's. So odd but I feel like God's been telling me to lighten up lately. Go with it baby (to quote my sister). It's funny though because it's the opposite of what I tell myself...work harder, do more, don't settle, high quality. They all sound good right? really good. great qualities to have...until they become standards that are set to high or unreasonable goals that keep me from letting God work. ouch. when you put it that way jamie...

I have a picture in my office that says "Good morning this is God, I will be handling all of your problems today. I will not need your help. So, relax and have a great day."

Wonder how many more times I will have to read it for it to sink in? friends, family, hold me accountable! I know you will, you're almost all as bossy as I am ;) birds of a feather and all that..hehe..

with all your heart

When I was growing up there was a song that was sung in church quite regularly. It was simple and beautiful and about God's worth. Or I thought it was. It goes like this:

Lord, You are more precious than silver.
Lord, You are more costly than gold.
Lord, You are more beautiful than diamonds,
And nothing I desire compares to You.

Today I was reading in Proverbs 3 and I realized that the scripture verse that this song is based off of is not actually talking about God but about Wisdom. Of course Wisdom comes from God so technically the song is still true but I just never realized.
As long as I can remember my prayer has been for God to give me Wisdom beyond my years and beyond my experience. Some days I feel like Wisdom could smack me in the face and I'd miss it. Other days things are so clear.

Besides myself, I also have several friends and family members right now who are in the middle of this crazy life trying to figure things out. Asking the hard questions, making choices, changing their paths, settling into where God has them and making the most of it, crying out, trusting. All things I am doing too. And the beautiful thing about it is that God promises to be there for us. He will make our paths straight, He is trustworthy, He is looking out for our best interest. He can handle our pain. He can handle our mess. He can work out our circumstances. He can let us sit in the middle of everything and not change a dern thing so as to teach us how to be content.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

okay God.

lovely

"Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."
Philippians 4:8

I bought myself some lovely flowers today.



And here are 3 lovely women (if I do say so myself!)

I heard what I heard and I can't go back

I have a really good friend who has been getting involved in joining the fight against modern day slavery. I figured I'd post a blog with some links to ways anyone can get involved or at the very least become more aware. I am working out for me how I can get involved and to what level. It is gripping to know what goes on in our "modern" world that is so unfair.

I also ran across a great video by Sara Groves that is worth watching. Here's that too...



Here are several links:

Bob's Clapham Blog
Faith Alliance Against Slavery and Trafficking
Free The Slaves
God4Girls
humantrafficking.org
International Justice Mission
Not for sale Campaign
Polaris Project
Project Safe House
Road to Patagonia
The Emancipation Network
World Hope International

If you are inspired to get involved, are already involved or want more information talk to my friend. That's what I do!

call me crazy but...

So one of the closets in my office at work has book shelves in it that I have had piled with books for quite some time now. Apparently this week while I was gone the fire marshall inspected the building and he informed our staff that I needed to move my books off the top shelf because there is a sprinkler on the ceiling in the closet and my books would keep it from sprinkling out a fire.

Um. Call me crazy...but wouldn't the closet DOOR keep it from sprinkling a fire out?! ROTFL!

whatever, I'll move my books...but I seriously do not see the point ;)

it tolls for thee!

my broken door bell started chiming tonight. scared me at first. haven't heard it chime in 3 yrs. random. even if it worked it would probably have scared me to hear it ring.

i hope it doesn't keep ringing in the night. i'm tired. the next bell I hear will be my alarm clock on friday morning!

the ants go marching one by one harrah! harrah!

ANTS
Automatic Negative Thoughts

Mine: I'm not interesting so why would anyone want to listen or know.

Truth: I have a lot to offer and perspective that is unique.

I have let my ANT hill effect to many of my actions and reactions. I have tried sweeping the ANT hill away before, I have just let the ANTs march along with no thought to how fast the colony was growing and I have analyzed the ANTs. I want to kill the little buggers but I really don't know how...squashing them one by one as they cross my path maybe? hmm...

There are some things we can't change on our own, we need the grace of God.

Breaking the Barrier

So this conference I'm at is a lot different than what I was expecting. I am glad. Randall Ross spoke tonight and talked about the things that are keeping us from reaching our goals. I thought the priciples he talked about were worth sharing. I won't go into a ton of detail, just list them, but if you (I) stop and really think about the priciples and apply them to the things you (I) are (am) working to sort out or get past or change in your (my) life I think you (I) can add a lot of your (my) own content to them.

1. Wherever you are, be there. (don't miss your life by wishing you were somewhere in the future or the past)
2. What you control you will lose. (don't try to over control or micromanage things in your life that are God's to "run")
3. What you fear is what you attract. (show me your fear and I will show you your barrier) (ex. fear of pain attracts hurts)
4. What you love, you will change for. (so true! nothing to add)
5. Life is better on the other side of the barrier. (push through and don't lose heart)

Time to deal I guess. I know some things I want to see happen that just aren't and I know that the exercise of recognizing fears and letting go of control is not an easy one but if the last principle is true then it will be worth it right?

"From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out."

Today has been heavy for me in a lot of ways. I spent the good part of the bus ride today talking with someone about a lot of things that were funny on the surface (laugh or you'll cry) but things that have shaped me into the person I am...the reason I make choices the way I do and why there are things I want so bad for my life that are different than maybe I should "expect". I want more out of life than I deserve or have been handed. Thank God God's in the business of restoration and life change.

I think I need to go to sleep. My emotions and my state of mind are effected by the tired factor. Tomorrow morning the sun will be shining and I will be too (not 'till after 10 though..hehe)

It was so great to see some of my family today. I took a cute pic of the three of us which I'll post sometime later on.

night!

anxious

Just spent almost 8 hrs traveling on a bus: aka tin of sardines. I ache. And I have a roommate who I don't know. I will be forced to make small talk and somehow be okay sleeping in a room with a stranger.

I got to see my mom and sister on a whim today for lunch. Now I miss them. Not sure if it made things worse or better.

I am feeling a little out of sorts. heck, a lot.