Wednesday, October 31, 2007
I wish I didn't have to go to work and that I could stay home and hide from all the trick 'r treaters. Although I'm sure it will be fun and their will be kids dressed all cute to oodle over there too...
One of the funniest halloween memories I have...my friend Rory set his front porch up as a haunted house...his friend John dressed like a stuffed man...kids would come in and take candy out of a bowl by John and he'd grab their hands right before they made candy contact and would scare the bejeebers out of people...usually the parents were the ones to scream...
the reason it was soooo funny was because Rory set up a video camera with live video feed in his house for everyone to sit and watch the scary fun...hightech haunting. Only he would think to do that.
anyone else have a fun memory to share?
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
The stories told about wheel chair dancing, joyful encounters and impromptu music times in the lobby with people on surrounding balcony's joining in were inspiring to say the least.
To see a woman whose body is broken but whose spirit is alive and well and bringing life to every one she encounters was such a reminder of what is truley important.
I of course took a few pics...the first is of the lobby at Mayo...the sculpture on the wall is massive...and has quite a story but you'll have to google it if you want to know more cause I didn't catch all the details myself..something about germany and hitler and freedom...the next one is a night time view of Rochester which caught some reflections...and the third is just a few smiling faces...it was hard not to smile...joyful people no matter what their circumstances bring it out of others...
what a lovely night.
I find solace in other people's expression...something kindred...
Monday, October 29, 2007
I was trying to convince my mom the other day that it is a sign from the heavenly's that I keep losing my calendar...as if God wants me to not make any plans...ever...she thinks maybe he's telling me to get a better system to keep myself organized...
anyway you slice it I am going to be working harder at being more available for the things I really want to spend my time on (aka the person I really want to spend my time with...)I just have to get through a very busy november...I kind of want to lose my calendar again...makes me tired looking at it...
when I was a little girl my mom would sing a certain song...I've probably mentioned it before...it's a favorite of mine...today it is resonating in my core...the sweetest thing I know...
Jesus Jesus Jesus
There's just something about that name
master savior jesus
like the fragrance after the rain
Jesus Jesus Jesus
Let all heaven and earth proclaim
Kings and kingdoms shall all pass away
but there's something about that name
As I watch how he works in my life I am amazed. The people he has brought my way, the opportunities. I am humbled.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
there is so much to laugh at in this crazy life.
and for some odd reason the girl screaming reminded me of the time my friend heidi freaked out while watching the movie "The Jerk"...during the cat juggling scene...hehe....girl you kill me...
Saturday, October 27, 2007
I remember my friend angie went and saw that movie Carrie in the theatre's when we were kids..my mom wouldn't let me go (thank you mom)...so after it was done ang came to spend the night with me and tell me all about it...scarriest part? she slept with her eyes OPEN that night...seriously...if I'd gone to that movie and then seen her sleep with her eyes open I'd be even more scarred than I am! I always think about it when I think of scary things.
So today...in my attempt to join in all the scary fun...I have decided to not wear makeup...hehe...for real...no make up...it's the minimalist way of dressing up..err...I mean down...for halloween...but only for today...don't want to scare everyone away for good!
I might go to a halloween party tonight...via skype...if I do...and it's worth talking about I may tell you how it goes...
I think I'm going to buy me some candy corn today...
Friday, October 26, 2007
I started a blog filled with things I think are pretty...
if you want to take a peek that's fine by me...
if not, that's fine by me too...there's really nothing of substance on it...it's just very girly...like me ;)
Thursday, October 25, 2007
There was a time and place not so long ago where I was organized, together, one step ahead of myself at all times...oh where oh where have those days gone?! they blew away in the wind just like my schedule!
other than that I had a nice day. even that didn't really phase me, it actually made me laugh...I have an odd sense of humor what can I say?!
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
maybe I'll put a tree up in my office...hmmm...that could work...
calm down people, I'm not putting it up today! I have to get through halloween first! lol
I started another ball rolling today...simple is the goal...
Pressure builds with out help from anything but my mind. My whirlwind thoughts, treadmill thoughts, hampster wheel thoughts, raging river thoughts. I want out of my head somedays.
I talked to a tree tonight. Don't worry, I didn't hug it. This isn't the exact tree but it looks like her a little...if you squint...
Sunday, October 21, 2007
So very sweet. I of course agreed.
But today I have changed my mind. My favorite thing to do? hold a brand new baby. There is absolutely nothing that compares. Today's baby d'jour...one month old, dark skin, perfect lips, unfocused eyes, new baby smell, complete innocence. Since I run the joint I took the opportunity to make sure all my bases were covered so I could snuggle him (aka hog). He stole my heart.
There's another little guy here who I love to pieces and today I had the joy of making him stay in a 10 minute time out while he kicked me. Ahh...he was sooo cute when he was brand new...and I remember it well...but for all his strong will and moments of defiance...he's got my heart too.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
I've been figuring out how to add music back into my life.
No small task.
Music with my sis is part of the puzzle.
Music at church is another piece.
Tonight I sing. Nothing fancy. Not a solo, just part of a team. But it's music.
A moment where I feel so close to the one who gave me the gift.
So good for my soul.
"I think I should have no other mortal wants, if I could always have plenty of music. It seems to infuse strength into my limbs and ideas into my brain. Life seems to go on without effort, when I am filled with music." -George Eliot
Friday, October 19, 2007
And when the man with dread locks started his Spoken Word performance right out of the shoot I knew we were in for a ride. The interview style was that of pure randomness. "so jessi, where are you from" she starts to answer....someone breaks in (like 12 people had mics) "did you ever hear the one about the trophy wife?" what the? huh? no really. it was that random.
We sang four songs and sounded like rock stars (woot!). Jessi IS a rock star and I'm her bgv girl who lives vicariously. There was another girl who did some music after Jess and I, she was good, a local artist. And besides that there was a ton of random chatter that I'm pretty sure didn't translate on the radio...but it was fun to chill in Jazzy-J's psychedelic living room with a group of people I otherwise wouldn't have met were it not for my sis.
Peace, Love, Hippie and here's some photo's of the fun times...none of us singing cause my arms aren't that long...
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
apparently, according to a bulletin she posted on myspace, I will be singing with her...guess I better learn the words to her songs tonight! It is radio so I could take a cheat sheet...but it's radio in someone's living room with an audience so...probably shouldn't take a cheat sheet...
anyhow...you can take a listen while it's happening if you want online...
Check it out tomorrow night (Oct 18) at 9PM!!! that would be MN time.
www.jessilynn.com is her website if you miss it and still want to take a listen to some of her music...I sing bgv's on 2 of her albums...so fun btway...
maybe if it's not odd I'll sneak my camera along and take a few photo's of the show to share later on...
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Twon is one of those friends who I couldn't shake if I wanted and I don't want to. To his wife's horror he tells people we dated for 3 yrs in college (in his dreams is what I say as I roll my eyes every time)...and he's always trying to get me to live with him...even now...lol...I introduced him to his gorgeous wife actually...he kept saying that I could live with him and his roommates and that my rent would be reduced 100$ for every beatiful woman I introduced him to. I think he owes me some serious money cause all my friends happen to be beautiful!
how sureal and great to meet the woman who gave you such an amazing life. If I could meet her I'd thank her for sharing her son...and I know there are many others who would say the same...
adoption is a pretty cool thing.
how about you?
Check out the tinies and let me know your favorite letter...and if you are horrified well...muahahahaha!
I knew for like 5 seconds how to link...not sure anymore...seemed so simple wonder why I can't figure it out anymore...
Monday, October 15, 2007
And yet what I think I see often isn't a true perception, things change, my eyes are cloudy with what I am thinking about..I go the wrong way because it "looks" easier.
It is time for me to close my eyes and let God take the lead.
One day at a time, one choice at a time, one conversation at a time, one prayer at a time.
Ever played that game where you're blindfolded and being led around by someone who has their site and it's a metaphore for trust? That's what this feels like. And while I still manage to stumble at times I know that God is right there ready to catch me and guide me. That's a great feeling.
So I lean on a cart and throw a few essentials in and basically had to give up at that point cause I couldn't stand for much longer, I could tell I was running a fever again and I just wanted to get back home at that point. So I head for the check out only to be met with possibly one of the most chipper people alive. He was chatty and my one word responses went unnoticed. He had one of those loud voices and laughs that kind of grate...He took his sweet time checking my items out commenting on each one. I find chipper people annoying when I'm well...when I'm sick I have no words to describe how I feel about them...anyhow, his face was burned into my memory.
Since then I have shopped at that same store and I always pick somone elses line because his mere existance reminds me of how miserable I felt at that time.
But tonight, I couldn't avoid him. His was the ONLY line. So again with the chipper. Of course I'm not sick this time so he was merely annoying. I'm sure he's a perfectly nice guy and working in a grocery store late at night could possibly be one of the most boring jobs out there...but still...stop with the chipper!
Sunday, October 14, 2007
It was enjoyable in a lot of ways.
I picked 4 raspberry's. yup. only 4. Not really a nature lover here...there was a lot of green and grass and nature and willingly touching it all wasn't happening for me. I took some fun pics of the group though. And almost fell over laughing when I heard a little boy exclaim with unbridled enthusiasm "There's raspberry's EVERYWHERE!" as if it was the single coolest thing he'd ever seen in his entire life.
I enjoyed walking through the pumpkin patch. Dirt and pumpkins is my kinda nature.
I actually picked an apple right off a tree and ate it...I felt very mother nature at that moment. Although...besides the picking it right off a tree part it was pretty much like eating an apple I bought at cub foods...lol...
They had a petting zoo and I realized later that I'd taken like 12 pictures of goats. for real. what am I ever going to do with 12 pictures of goats?! and let's not forget the 5 pictures of a lamma I took either..oh my.
After our hay ride and nature loving tree hugging time in the orchards we headed over to the corn maze. It was fun for a little while...pretty soon though it felt like we were going in circles and there was endless corn every direction you looked...oh wait...that's exactly what it was like. I'd do it again though. Maybe.
We ended the night with a bon fire and smores and hot chocolate. Or in my case hot milk since I forgot to add the chocolate...lol...it was good either way.
Lots of memories were made and shared and some were even captured in pictures. What a day!
Here's a couple pics. I didn't post any of the group cause they may not want to be featured on my bloggorama so sorry folks but you just get to see a few mugs shots of little ol' me.
Friday, October 12, 2007
My life is about to get really simple. Watch and see.
The ball is rolling and the future is bright.
I might not like change but I'm not afraid of it.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
I have lost something like 14 lbs in the last 9 mo with out trying. Probably mono related.
I am actually 6 ft and a half inch tall...not 6'1" like I've thought for so long.
I still don't like people invading my personal space with out my permission and sometimes even with my permission I cringe.
It is possible to dye my teeth pink if the frosting on the cupcake is vibrent enough.
Taco Bell is still my comfort food.
And Beth Hart turned up on the stereo makes me want to sing at the top of my lungs.
A very revealing day.
I won't go into the details of the conversation because I'd feel bad breaking her confidence in me but needless to say it is amazing the things that kids think about and deal with.
Come to think of it I had several really precious conversations yesterday. It is amazing to me that people trust me with the details of their lives. I think I can learn from them even while they are asking for my input.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
- Kurt Vonnegut
(thanks burke, that email made me laugh and inspired me...this blog is your fault)
my superpowers are very limited.
I can't predict the future.
I can't read minds.
I can't fly.
I can't be invisible.
I can't move objects with my mind.
I like to imagine that I can though...
If I could have any superpower I think I'd pick the flying one. It always feels so good in my dreams when I fly. Like a bird.
The being invisible one doesn't really make sense because then you'd have to have invisible clothes which I don't think would be possible so you'd have to be naked all the time. And weather would give away your location...okay, I know I am a nerd. I actually think about these things..
The time travel one would be nice too...I could travel ahead about 4 days from now and be done with the budget.
I know I know. If you're working on the budget so hard what the heck are you doing blogging?! it's a coping mechanism. I leave the room for 5 minutes and I write...so I don't scream...lol...whatever, I don't even know how to scream actually. so I guess that's not the real reason is it...
I have a bit of an overactive imagination...he says "what about the PNL line item 43 in jan of 07 in regards to...blah blah blah." and I hear "it's raining men hallelujah" lol
Oh to be in my head...but there's only room for one!
Figuring out next years budget.
It requires you to predict the future and be good at math...not my best abilities really. And yet there I sit, trapped in a room for hours on end doing just that.
anyone want to come rescue me?
yeah, I didn't think so.
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
I haven't lived at home since I was Jr. in highschool. I have paid my own bills and made my own way and taken personal responsibility for my life for a long time now. I have survived numerous people walking through my life (notice I didn't say into but through) and I have a level of self confidence in myself and my choices that not every one has. I know this about myself and I also know that it comes a little bit from necessity but mostly because I find my worth in God and I trust that He will lead me and help me through whatever comes my way. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that while I may not always be able to hang my own light fixtures and I need people to talk to and I value relationships that I can keep doing my own independant thing for ever and I'd be fine.
Of course like I said every coin has a flip side. I think my independance has caused me to not ask for help when I need it cause I'm used to doing things on my own. It has made people from the outside look at me and think I have it all together (ha!). There's other stuff too but I don't really feel like dwelling at the moment cause it makes me sad.
anyhow, for a long time (years) I have loved the concept that everyone travels their own path, sometimes path cross, sometimes they merge but either way you are in charge of your own path, it's between you and God. When I was in college I helped run the Delta Kappa women's ministries and that year the theme was all about people's journey's. At this point Sara Groves was just starting out her music career and through connections we were able to have her come and speak at a retreat we were doing. I had a chance a few weeks before the retreat to sit down with sara and share about this concept and the theme. For our retreat she wrote a song which was then on her next album. One of my many (hehe) claims to fame. I inspired a song! woot woot! okay, just let me believe what I want okay?
anyhow, here are the lyrics...this song still speaks to me on a very personal level. I may be too independant at times from people in my life but I am completely the opposite when it comes to God. I depend on him for my very essence.
When I stand before the Lord, I'll be standing alone. This journey is my own. Still I want man's advice, and I need man's approval, but this journey is my own. . Chorus: Why would I want to live for man and pay the highest price? What would it mean to gain the world, only to lose my life? . So much of what I do is to make a good impression. This journey is my own. So much of what I say is to make myself look better. This journey is my own. . Chorus . I have never felt relief like I feel it right now. This journey is my own. 'Cause trying to please the world it was breaking me down, it was breaking me down. . Now I live and I breathe for an audience of one, now I live and I breath for an audience of one. Now I live and I breathe for an audience of one, 'cause I know this journey is my own. . Chorus . You can live for someone else, and it will only bring you pain. I can't even judge myself. Only the Lord can say, "Well done."
I have to find my mouse removal kit that I invested in last year this time...tongs, plastic bag and gloves...
wish I could figure out where those little buggers were coming in...if I have a repeat of last fall I might lose my freaking mind.
Monday, October 08, 2007
This is something someone said last week at the conference I was attending. It stuck with me. I couldn't answer the question of what those little things were for me when first asked. But after some thought and observation I came up with a list. I think I should add "list making" to the list ;) Now my challenge is to live a life of rest. How to have more moments of recharging and less of the draining things (there isn't a list long enough for those things in my life!). I'm up for a good challenge though so bring it on!
holding a baby. music for the soul. time with God. writing. a nice long bath. a clean house. smiling at a stranger. laughing. silence. thankfulness. talking with people who "get" me. a good book. taking pictures.
I think I am far to serious sometimes and that I think I am way more important than I really am when it comes to my work and my calling. I certainly act like it when I take things home with me emotionally that I shouldn't, carry things around on the inside that aren't my business but God's. So odd but I feel like God's been telling me to lighten up lately. Go with it baby (to quote my sister). It's funny though because it's the opposite of what I tell myself...work harder, do more, don't settle, high quality. They all sound good right? really good. great qualities to have...until they become standards that are set to high or unreasonable goals that keep me from letting God work. ouch. when you put it that way jamie...
I have a picture in my office that says "Good morning this is God, I will be handling all of your problems today. I will not need your help. So, relax and have a great day."
Wonder how many more times I will have to read it for it to sink in? friends, family, hold me accountable! I know you will, you're almost all as bossy as I am ;) birds of a feather and all that..hehe..
Lord, You are more precious than silver.
Lord, You are more costly than gold.
Lord, You are more beautiful than diamonds,
And nothing I desire compares to You.
Today I was reading in Proverbs 3 and I realized that the scripture verse that this song is based off of is not actually talking about God but about Wisdom. Of course Wisdom comes from God so technically the song is still true but I just never realized.
As long as I can remember my prayer has been for God to give me Wisdom beyond my years and beyond my experience. Some days I feel like Wisdom could smack me in the face and I'd miss it. Other days things are so clear.
Besides myself, I also have several friends and family members right now who are in the middle of this crazy life trying to figure things out. Asking the hard questions, making choices, changing their paths, settling into where God has them and making the most of it, crying out, trusting. All things I am doing too. And the beautiful thing about it is that God promises to be there for us. He will make our paths straight, He is trustworthy, He is looking out for our best interest. He can handle our pain. He can handle our mess. He can work out our circumstances. He can let us sit in the middle of everything and not change a dern thing so as to teach us how to be content.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."
Saturday, October 06, 2007
I bought myself some lovely flowers today.
And here are 3 lovely women (if I do say so myself!)
Friday, October 05, 2007
I also ran across a great video by Sara Groves that is worth watching. Here's that too...
Here are several links:
Bob's Clapham Blog
Faith Alliance Against Slavery and Trafficking
Free The Slaves
International Justice Mission
Not for sale Campaign
Project Safe House
Road to Patagonia
The Emancipation Network
World Hope International
If you are inspired to get involved, are already involved or want more information talk to my friend. That's what I do!
Um. Call me crazy...but wouldn't the closet DOOR keep it from sprinkling a fire out?! ROTFL!
whatever, I'll move my books...but I seriously do not see the point ;)
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
i hope it doesn't keep ringing in the night. i'm tired. the next bell I hear will be my alarm clock on friday morning!
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Automatic Negative Thoughts
Mine: I'm not interesting so why would anyone want to listen or know.
Truth: I have a lot to offer and perspective that is unique.
I have let my ANT hill effect to many of my actions and reactions. I have tried sweeping the ANT hill away before, I have just let the ANTs march along with no thought to how fast the colony was growing and I have analyzed the ANTs. I want to kill the little buggers but I really don't know how...squashing them one by one as they cross my path maybe? hmm...
There are some things we can't change on our own, we need the grace of God.
Monday, October 01, 2007
1. Wherever you are, be there. (don't miss your life by wishing you were somewhere in the future or the past)
2. What you control you will lose. (don't try to over control or micromanage things in your life that are God's to "run")
3. What you fear is what you attract. (show me your fear and I will show you your barrier) (ex. fear of pain attracts hurts)
4. What you love, you will change for. (so true! nothing to add)
5. Life is better on the other side of the barrier. (push through and don't lose heart)
Time to deal I guess. I know some things I want to see happen that just aren't and I know that the exercise of recognizing fears and letting go of control is not an easy one but if the last principle is true then it will be worth it right?
"From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out."
Today has been heavy for me in a lot of ways. I spent the good part of the bus ride today talking with someone about a lot of things that were funny on the surface (laugh or you'll cry) but things that have shaped me into the person I am...the reason I make choices the way I do and why there are things I want so bad for my life that are different than maybe I should "expect". I want more out of life than I deserve or have been handed. Thank God God's in the business of restoration and life change.
I think I need to go to sleep. My emotions and my state of mind are effected by the tired factor. Tomorrow morning the sun will be shining and I will be too (not 'till after 10 though..hehe)
It was so great to see some of my family today. I took a cute pic of the three of us which I'll post sometime later on.
I got to see my mom and sister on a whim today for lunch. Now I miss them. Not sure if it made things worse or better.
I am feeling a little out of sorts. heck, a lot.
So Much to Love
I love people. I love bright eyes. I love my sons, Judah & Lucas. I love laughing. I love my ringtone. I love love. I love Jesus. I love tattoos. I love milk. I love creative expression. I love smiles. I love Philippians. I love bridges. I love my house and haven. I love a rainy night. I love doing nothing. I love almonds and banana chips. I love music. I love cowboy hats. I love Anna Maria Island. I love (diet) dr.pepper. I love a good story. I love wildflowers. I love to fly. I love rod iron. I love babies. I love going to the movies. I love midnight. I love allegra. I love sunsets. I love long kisses. I love the color red. I love starshollow. I love community. I love doing life with friends. I love witty banter. I love jessilynn.com. I love my family. I love pretty things. I love cruisin' with my girls. I love remembering when. I love authentic individuals. I love hot tamales. I love when kids giggle. I love Lance. I love bonfires. I love finding people I thought I'd lost. I love yard sales. I love tacobell. I love seeing people do good. I love violins and steel guitar. I love driving to the airport. I love seeing people around me succeed at their dreams. I love being included. I love flipflops. I love blogging. I love long talks. I love dreaming.