Monday, June 23, 2008
I have had some sort of a job as long as I can remember. Maybe my mom can remember for me? paper routes, babysitting jobs, cleaning houses, whatever. I have always had a job. The only exception was a summer in college where I lived in Maryland and didn't work. 2 1/2 months of my life I didn't have a job.
A job is responsibility. It is a place to practice good work ethic. It is something to invest in. It provides a paycheck which allows independance. It is fun to be with people working together towards a common goal. There are so many good things about working. I figured the only time in my life I wouldn't work would be when I was having kids...and even then I figured I'd need to do something to generate an income of some sorts.
And now here I am about to quit my job. No big thing if I perhaps had another one lined up...in the past I would have probably worked two jobs at the same time for a while in the overlap...not gone with out a job in the meantime. But that's what I'm about to do.
It feels like cliff jumping.
I know it's what I'm supposed to do for now. I know that Lance and I are in agreement that for the near future I will figure out the next step and not have to already know and be there doing "it" whatever "it" is.
Part of it is the worry about not contributing financially. Part of it is worrying that I will become a boring person with nothing to talk about. Part of it is worrying that I'll like it a little to much. Part of it is worrying that by getting out of the loop I won't be able to get back in.
I can only imagine (I will never have proof) that standing on the top of a cliff and jumping one might also be spending their time worrying a little...at least the first time they jump. But if a person seriously wanted to jump off the cliff the worries wouldn't stop them. Just maybe cause them to double check their parachute or take a deeper breathe or whatever else you'd do before jumping off a cliff. (I hope to never find out)
So that is what I am doing. Deep breathes. Trusting Lance that it really will be okay. Checking my parachute.
My devotional today spoke directly to this. Here is a snippit:
"So, after they had fasted and prayed, they placed their hands on them and sent them off" (Acts 13:2).
There are times in our lives when major decisions require a concerted effort to press into the heart of God. In Acts, chapter 13 we find a situation in which the disciples were worshiping during a time of fasting. During this time God spoke to them with some specific instructions. It was a strategic time in the church in which Barnabas and Saul were being set apart for the work God had called them. Fasting was an important aspect of hearing from God.
I have some praying and fasting to do about my future...the time I am not working I will be seeking God's direction for my life...more specifically my work life.
I guess that's where I'm at today.
So Much to Love
I love people. I love bright eyes. I love my sons, Judah & Lucas. I love laughing. I love my ringtone. I love love. I love Jesus. I love tattoos. I love milk. I love creative expression. I love smiles. I love Philippians. I love bridges. I love my house and haven. I love a rainy night. I love doing nothing. I love almonds and banana chips. I love music. I love cowboy hats. I love Anna Maria Island. I love (diet) dr.pepper. I love a good story. I love wildflowers. I love to fly. I love rod iron. I love babies. I love going to the movies. I love midnight. I love allegra. I love sunsets. I love long kisses. I love the color red. I love starshollow. I love community. I love doing life with friends. I love witty banter. I love jessilynn.com. I love my family. I love pretty things. I love cruisin' with my girls. I love remembering when. I love authentic individuals. I love hot tamales. I love when kids giggle. I love Lance. I love bonfires. I love finding people I thought I'd lost. I love yard sales. I love tacobell. I love seeing people do good. I love violins and steel guitar. I love driving to the airport. I love seeing people around me succeed at their dreams. I love being included. I love flipflops. I love blogging. I love long talks. I love dreaming.