Friday, July 25, 2008

I am not immune

I didn't want to be homesick. I am happy to be here. Very happy...even if I'm a little out of sorts. Heck, a lot out of sorts. But I am a little homesick. I miss going to work and having a paycheck. I miss my red living room. I miss my friends. I miss my babies. I miss knowing where to find things in my own home. I miss feeling like I know anything.
Nothing here is familiar. The pictures on the walls, the street names, the babies, the people, the restaurants, the Targets. Nothing. It is like being in a foreign country. New language, new streets, new new new.
I can't wait for the day when something feels comfortable. Like it's mine.
I've done this before. It's just been a long long time. I have not complained, I have been doing my best to take it all in and not be overwhelmed but today was hard.

My closet is full of clothes that only make sense in MN. I need to pull half of it out, get rid of two thirds of that half and store the third that's left over for the "mild" winters I hear so much about. But that leaves me with very few outfits. I am trying to be creative in the meantime.

I was finally able to pull out my books and put them on a shelf in one of the guest bedrooms. Those books are like friends to me. I spent most of my childhood with my nose buried in a book. Besides the last year and a half where I lost some of my tracking ability because of Mono, I have always had a book nearby. I reread books too. There's something very comforting about the familiar story lines and characters. Maybe that's what I need to do. Read a book with something familiar in it. I'd be less homesick with them as friends.

This week I reconnected with a friend, Katy, who lives here. She will introduce me to people I'm sure. I am becoming friends with our neighbor, Hannah, she even invited me to go with her to look at wedding gowns (she's getting married next year). Things are good in a lot of ways.
I am going to get involved at church. The job search will kick into high gear once we get back from Canada. I know this is just a short season of transition. It just feels long and not as restful as I hoped it would be. But I guess that's life.

I couldn't sleep tonight. So here I sit, in a dark room with the computer staring at me and an urge to write. I'm sure things will look better tomorrow in the light of day. But sometimes i just can't turn my mind off enough to sleep. And on that note I guess I will make another attempt to sleep.


Lori said...

Jamie, I can so relate to this. Seven years ago I, too, got married and moved to unfamiliar territory. My husband had lived here in his youth, moved away, and this was our return. It meant going from the city to the country...and outside of a town of 400 people...a new church, new job, new house, new school for the kids...just new everything. I remember all of those things you are feeling and how very much I missed 'home', my friends and the familiar.

But I promise you, it does get better. Keep a connection with those you left in MN, but also look around you and open your heart to new people and new things. From what I have read about you through Lance's eyes, you are an amazing, lovely and loving person who can brighten her corner of the world no matter where she is.

Sarah said...

Hugs to you! Adjusting is hard, I think you will do well with a milder winter! Am I right? ;)

[not the] Best Blog Ever said...

Miss you too, friend. But I know you will do great once you've adjusted... Heck, you are doing great now. Keep on keepin' on!

O My Blog! said...

I was reluctant to follow Matt to CA back in 1995 but I went and I cried for a month. I got better, my surroundings got familiar with time and I looked forward to new adventures in my new town. I always feel like I'm "home" when Matt's with me, wherever we are.

Ahhh the antique shops must be gorgeous there!

LG:) said...

same here jamie...nineteen years ago I followed Kyle to his home, his church, his friends. For awhile i didn't care for his home, his church or his friends.

Obviously, things have changed and I have found a way to make all those things my own too. I'm sure you're handling it way better than I did. I do remember this discussion to be one of our first fights. Well why not, you know how "quiet" I can be:)

Missed you much today! oh, and go SHOPPING, you must get that new "milder" winter wardrobe, Plus it'll make you feel better!

Jamie E said...

I haven't had the same setting for more than 4 years until now, I can really relate. Moving every 4 years, new neighbors, new friends, You are very missed. If I can do anything to help, let me know. I am emailing you pics k??? I hope it helps and doesn't make it worse!

Jamie Willow said...

thanks girls :) I'm starting to recognize things and feel more at will just take some time I'm sure...



Matt and Kristi Tart said...

Oh...honey...I just read your "i'm homesick" entry and I felt like I was right there with you...feeling uncomfortable with all the newness and unfamiliarity. What a BIG-BIG-BIG change for you...SO much good...SO much different...weird how fullness and emptiness can coincide...

Jamie Willow said...

that is a great way to describe it Kristi...I guess I had to get empty so there was room to fill up :) thanks for the comment... wrapping words around things helps me and I liked how you put that so thanks.


So Much to Love

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