walking

I could have written this:

I asked God for strength, that I might achieve;
I was made weak, that I might learn humbly to obey.
I asked God for health, that I might do greater things;
I was given infirmity, that I might do better things.
I asked for riches, that I might be happy;
I was given poverty, that I might be wise.
I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men;
I was given weakness, that I might feel the need of God.
I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life;
I was given life, that I might enjoy all things.
I got nothing that I asked for but everything I had hoped for.
Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered.
I am among men, most richly blessed.*
Do we trust God to lead us even though we can't see the pathway in front of us? Do we trust Him to be all-knowing, all-loving, and all-powerful? Do we believe He does all things well? As Paul wrote, "Everything that does not come from faith is sin" (Rom. 14:23). That's why God leads us through the dark places.
Only in the darkness do we learn to walk by faith.

I am weak.
I have struggled with my health.
I have nothing.
If I dwelt on those things I would shrivel up. But I do know how to obey God. And through my sickness this last year and a half I was able to stop doing so many unnecessary things and focus on what was necessary and important. I have learned to be wise because I have nothing.
I don't always obey perfectly and I still get caught up in the unnecessary and sometimes I do stupid things. But I see how it all matters.

I don't know my next step and that is something I am struggling with right now. What is this place where I am? Why God? So many good things and so many unknowns. I have a hard time not worrying about the unknowns. A very hard time.

I guess this was a timely message for me as I am walking and trying not to be so weary. I am believing that my strength and joy will come from my only true source. Jesus.