Thursday, January 31, 2008
...and it seems to be going so well.
Last year was the gun and fire year...let's hope that doesn't happen again! basically the story goes that there was a police officer sitting in the front row next to a tiny preschool girl and she was eyeing his gun and when I noticed how close she was to it I also noticed another preschool girl who was running up to the speaker who was juggling fire because she wanted to help if he dropped what he was juggling...I turned to one of the volunteers next to me pointed her towards the girl next to the gun and said "you get the gun, I'll get the fire.." and we managed to move the little girl away from the gun and stop the other girl from grabbing the jugglers fire sticks...never thought those words would come out of my mouth at a preschool church event! wonder what this year will hold!
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
They shut off the water to the entire building, about 8 more fire fighters made their way in with squeegees and pushed all the standing water into the women's restroom where there was a drain...only I guess it also started to flood the basement at that point...yeehaw.
We were cleared to have church once they capped off the two broken pipes and got the rest of the sprinkler system pressurized and ready to go.
They were pumping the water out of the basement into an area outside that I guess wasn't graded right, or the ice and snow messed up the grade...whatever...what ended happening was the water they were pumping out of the basement flooded the hallway down by the kids classrooms...it was like moving the problem around and spreading it further instead of solving the problem.
How like life.
It will be interesting to see what it will take to get things back into repair.
And how it will effect our event this weekend.
If you had to be or behave a certain way to deserve an answered prayer...we'd all be in trouble. It's not about deserving. It's not about what's fair. It's about a plan. What is the plan and process of your life and what is going to be the best for you. We think we know what's best for ourselves. Sometimes God steps in, says No and leaves us with something beyond our wildest dreams. And sometimes we never see the wildest dreams because we are to busy being mad at God.
I don't know how their particular situation will work out. Only time will tell. But any way it turns out there will be a need for more of God in the situation. And the great part is, there is always more.
I felt His presence again today as I stood next to her and sang (she always wants me to sing to calm her down). No matter what the answer, God has not left them. And that can get anyone through the hardest of circumstances. It's not trite. It can sound trite but it's not. It's relevant and true.
If you read this blog and pray, please keep this couple in your prayers this week as they go through this invitro process for the final time. Anything is possible!
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
I've paid my bills, found people to mow my grass, had dinner parties, hosted my family and friends, tested ashley's pee to see if she was pregnant with a boy or a girl resulting in wide open windows and gagging. I got crazy sick and since no one else was bothered by things not getting done, I just didn't stress over them not being done either. I have been bored out of my mind at times, watched to much TV, slept through my alarm, gone days with out seeing anyone and missed putting my fall leaves out in time to be picked up.
It has been an adventure doing this house thing on my own.
I have been prayerfully considering selling it since last spring. My book club girls probably remember the first time I brought it up and we talked about it in Nina's living room. They gave me some good advice and encouraged me. I guess I make some decisions slowly because it took me until last fall to really seriously consider looking at what I'd need to do to get it ready to even sell, and weighing if it really was a good choice or not. I decided to wait until after the holidays to truly pursue it and now that january has rolled around I have been actually taking real steps to getting it ready.
I have no idea how it will all turn out. I have guesses but this is a whole new experience for me. I am always looking for advice and insight because I know the danger in doing things alone and with out guidance. I have no claim to being an expert even though it's mine. When I bought it I had no idea what I was doing, and now that I'm selling it I also have no idea. There are times when I feel overwhelmed by my inexperience but once I work through some of those feelings I know I can tackle anything. I'm a smart woman. And by smart I mean I know when to ask for help and what I am capable of and what I'm not. I am still figuring out a few things in regards to selling this place...I will soon figure out what kind of help I need to ask for. It is all a process.
My learning curve will increase through this whole experience and that's a good thing. I like to learn.
I have enjoyed my alone time here in this house, it was my haven. I am ready for change.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Anyhow...it's nice when the people you spend time with get that and can be patient waiting for a reply. And it's really great to be with someone who also listens. There is something so important about being heard. It brings a confidence. It brings a feeling of safety. It helps you speak up more and find your voice. And sometimes it makes you stop talking so much and you find yourself only saying what's important.
So the challenge is to keep listening, to the person across the table and to the voice inside of you that's calling you to speak truth and love. Quieting the voices inside of you that make it so you can't hear what's important.
I have a new voice in my life.
I am listening.
I am speaking up.
I am quieting my heart and mind to hear what can't be said with words.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Same story as last time but with quite a different response. I totally get that kids move fast and things happen. I was just so glad the mom seemed to CARE she had lost her kids. The biggest difference between the two stories.
I got some great responses to that post btway. I happen to be friends with a ton of great moms! seriously. I admire so many of them and someday I will be calling you all for advice!
ps. Just a note...don't try to reason with a child throwing a tantrum in a childcare setting. It doesn't work. What does work you ask? This is what I have found. You tell them that they are allowed to have their feelings "go ahead and cry, it's okay to be mad or sad" or whatever they are...and then move them to a chair, ask them to sit there until they are done with their tantrum/crying. Then give them the choice to keep sitting there or to rejoin whatever activity they were just in. And if they need you to sit there and make sure they stay in the chair do so. Don't talk to them, just look at them and be patient. I could so work on Super Nanny for a day, that lady has great ideas too! I tried this method again last night and it worked. Being the calm one when there's a storm is always a good approach. With kids and adults. lol.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Anyhow...I was determined. I hauled and hauled stuff...I froze my face and my legs. Apparently I bumped my knees and legs a few times in the midst of it all but I didn't realize how badly I had bruised myself up until I started to thaw out.
Now getting a bruise and having that first instant "ouch" moment is painful but slowly regaining feeling in your frozen legs and then having the "ouch" moment...double "ouch". Trust me. Way more painful for your bruise to thaw out and start hurting than to just hurt.
I just know there must be a metaphore in there somewhere.
Anyhow...what didn't hurt was the feeling of relief when I dropped all my junk off and drove away with an empty mini van.
I still have a couple things to get rid of, some strange work out machine thing my sister left behind a gazillion years ago and a big old heavy table I couldn't lift...and a few other items...but all in all I have made a serious dent!
I will save those things for a warmer day and when I have an extra set of hands to help me.
I may have super woman tendencies (I was offered a job at the recycling center they were so impressed with my heavy lifting abilities) but I'm still a girly girl!
(ps. I feel the need to clarify that I do not own a mini van, I borrowed one and it made me realize how great it would be to own a car that actually heated up before you arrive at your destination...but whatever, my little jeepers is still fun even if she leaves me a little frozen at times)
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
I like that quote.
I had the most vivid dreams last night. About the new young adult ministry we are starting. "Merge" is what it's called, I thought of the name..I'm so cool. ha! (I like to think I am anyways!)
We have a gathering planned for this friday night and we've been throwing out ideas and having meetings, just normal planning phase stuff. But I had the most vivid dreams about it all. So when we met today I shared what I saw in my dreams and we actually made some decisions based on what I had dreamed. lol. and even stranger...I came to the meeting about 15 minutes late and several of the things they had decided when I wasn't there, were things from my dream that we hadn't talked about previously. (do do do do) (that would be twilight zone singing do do do do's)
pretty sure though that the very jewish sounding music I wrote in my dream won't be part of the service...but you never know!
I just ate a dove chocolate and the promise said "make a list of your dreams" there is a dream theme happening in my mind these days...hmm...
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Powdered Sugar Donuts.
I am convinced.
I walked into a room filled with 2 yr olds munching on powdered sugar donuts earlier today and I thought I'd died and gone to heaven. And that was with out even eating one! That may have put me over the edge so it's probably good I didn't.
*seriously, who brings powdered sugar donuts for a class of 2 yr olds?! the whole room was covered in sugar by the end of the morning...it's a good thing it does smell so good!
Saturday, January 19, 2008
So this weekend I am doing some rearranging. I am having fun doing it. My kitchen and bedroom have a totally new look but with all my old stuff. Take down this picture, replace it with the one from the other room...vwala.
A fresh look at the same old thing.
Every time I rearrange I end up getting rid of stuff. Just part of making things work in a new puzzle. This time around though I am intentionally getting rid of more. If I don't love it, it doesn't make the cut. Simple.
I get inspired looking through magazines and books and my sister in law's blog...the idea that you can recreate yourself with the simple addition of a lamp or a new mirror. amazing.
anyhow...along with the fun decorating and rearranging comes the need to organize some of the stuff I have had crammed in the back of closets and cupboards...not as much fun, but just as rewarding once it's been taken care of.
Guess I'd better get back to it!
Friday, January 18, 2008
I also have a sense of responsibility. I can't shake it. Sometimes I wish I could live like all the people I see who make decisions and thumb their noses at consequences. But I can't.
It's an interesting combo. Adventure and responsibility.
At first glance they are at conflict. But I guess like all things there is a middle ground.
I am in the middle of a new adventure right now, with more to come. But I can't turn off my responsibility switch. I still have to do what I have to do and take care of the things that need care.
One bite at a time.
One step at a time.
One decision at a time.
Day by day looking for the leading of God in my life.
Keep asking and praying and moving forward.
and now I must go clean my house. and by clean my house I mean get rid of half of everything I own. lol. good night nurse.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
It would be so easy to hide.
It would be so easy to run.
Until you can't hide any more and you've run as far as you can and it's still there.
What I have found and what I have seen is that it is all made easier when sharing the burden with people who love you while facing your reality. Things may work out, they may not but sharing your pain and your story with friends and people who you trust can get you through one more moment, one more day, one more deep breath, one more fake smile so your kids don't have to hurt yet, one more.
and I will say one more prayer even now for peace for her and her story.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
It would be so easy to turn to people in my life I trust for opinions and guidance before first turning to God. But it is God's voice I am seeking, his will for my life. So turning to him first is really the only option. And obeying him, while at times uncomfortable, always brings peace on the inside. Might look a little crazy at times from the outside but that peace that comes from God on the inside is a little bit addictive. I will do almost anything to get it..
anyhow...just another fun devo I read today that addresses the same topic so feel free to read if you want!
Obedience-Based Decisions Versus Skill and Ability
TGIF Today God Is First, by Os Hillman
As soon as you hear the sound of marching in the tops of the balsam trees, move out to battle. - 1 Chronicles 14:15a
The Philistines were attacking. David wanted to know how to respond. His first inquiry of God revealed that he was to attack the Philistines straightaway and God would give him victory. David followed God's instruction and gained victory. Shortly after, the Philistines mounted another attack. "So David inquired of God again, and God answered him, 'Do not go straight up, but circle around them and attack them in front of the balsam trees' " (1 Chron. 14:14)
David was a well-trained warrior, a strategist. Yet, we find that David's dependence on God to direct his efforts was very great. In fact, after he won the first battle, he went right back to inquire again. This is the most important lesson we can learn from this story. God told David to attack, but only after he heard the marching in the balsam trees.
How many times have you or I operated in the workplace based only on our skill and ability, without seeking to know the details of God's will in the matter? David could have simply assumed that since he had won the last battle, surely God would give him victory the same way. No. David had learned that communicating with the living God is the only sure way of victory. His skill was not enough. He had to have God's blessing.
How many times have we worked in our work life the same way each time only because it was the way we did it last time? What if God has a better way? What if God has a different plan than ours? "So David inquired of God..." These are the important words that we are to learn from. We must be in such relationship with God that we are constantly inquiring of His mind on every matter. When we do this, we can expect the same results that David achieved-success in our endeavor and recognition by God.
"So David's fame spread throughout every land, and the Lord made all the nations fear him" (1 Chron. 14:17). This is the reward of obedience to God. We don't have to build a name for ourselves. God will see to it that we are honored for our obedience. He wants to make known those servants who are willing to obey Him at all costs.
Friday, January 11, 2008
One time I was there during a thunderstorm and the power went out...maybe 20 seconds...not much longer...when the lights came back on people were hugging their children closer, people's bodies were in defensive positions, arms raised ready for whatever...it was one of those moments when you weren't really sure what was about to happen and when nothing happened a sigh of relief was audible by many, followed by nervous laughter. Mine included.
Anyhow, I drove by tonight...almost stopped to grab something but then decided I didn't really need it or have the time. I looked over and saw 3 cops and some cop cars outside of the entrance. Didn't think to much about it really all things considered. Well, I was just watching the news and turns out some guy was shoplifting and when he was being stopped by a security guard he pulled a knife and stabbed the guard in the arm.
I really need windex. Guess I won't be running over there tonight like I was thinking. It could be interesting to talk to the employees today and see what the buzz is but I guess I'll stay home. Walmart and daylight should probably be my combo...or Walmart at night with someone. hmmm crazy.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Had a fun conversation with Kathrine. About dreams. She has lots of dreams...things she wants to do, some are outlandish and others attainable. I realized somewhere along the line I stopped dreaming. Concerning. But a fun challenge...time to do a little dreaming I think.
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
I found a little girl tonight...actually she was brought to my attention by someone but either way...I scooped her up and proceeded to walk through the halls of church where there were probably a couple hundred people milling about, talking, finding their coats and walking to the exits to find their way home after a busy night. Eventually the mom saw me with her darling little girl who couldn't even say her own name she was so little...probably barely 2 yrs old...and she laughed, said "oh that one's mine" and said I could just put her down and she'd be fine.
I think if I had lost my daughter I would want to know who this stranger was bringing her back and perhaps where she might have been found??? and I probably would have taken a moment to talk to my kid about not wandering off like that...while the moment is still fresh...2 yr olds memories are short people! maybe that's just me...
Maybe it's because I am a security freak when it comes to kids and maybe it's because some kids pastor friends of mine lost their daughter because she was run over by a friend in their church parking lot but I am always amazed when people don't react to having lost their kids when I find them and return them (this does happen often btway).
Anyhow, it turned out fine but seriously. It's not the losing your kid part that bugs me as much as the not caring that you lost your kid part. I get being a laid back parent..I will probably be a super laid back mom but not if I lose my kid! that would scare me...
okay...rant done...for now...
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Monday, January 07, 2008
when you ask someone about their medical problems and they are vague...don't keep asking. They might not be comfortable talking about it. And just because they are talking to you does not mean you are BFF's and you get to know just because you ask. Especially if you only talk to the person normally about things like the weather or the gas prices or other completely neutral non- personal topics. And then when the person says they are not comfortable sharing, don't get sensitive and feel like they just rejected you.
I'm going to go eat some chicken broth now. and that's all you need to know!
Sunday, January 06, 2008
I was reminded yesterday about reading a Dr. Seuss book as a kid where there was a whole other world in a spec. I always thought that was an amazing concept...worlds seem so big and we feel so aware of what we know but there is always something more happening.
God is moving in ways we don't see at times, don't understand at others. And occasionally we get glimpses and wow what that does to your mind, heart and reality.
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Haven't seen much of my friends the last couple months. Busy times with the holiday's, family obligations, christmas parties, church up the wazoo. For them and for me. They must all be missing me terribly because seems like everyone got ahold of me today to find time to see me in the next few days. I feel so special :)
It will be nice to catch up with everyone. I am going to try to squeeze in all the little visits I can cause who knows when it will work out if I don't. Busy is an all year epidemic! Plus I have more medical yuckiness coming my way next week. Might as well stay busy and avoid thinking about it all.
Well I had two cups of coffee at dinner and I am wide awake. great. it was decaf but it still had enough of a kick to keep my motor running!
On a completely other random note...I ran into Tall Girl today at the MOA and tried on some pants. Seeing as how every pair I currently own hangs on me and looks slightly ridiculous I thought I'd see if there was anything worth buying. I fit into a size 7...probably a fluke. Most of the ones I tried were 9's. Who knows. No matter what the waist size, the legs were all way to baggie on me...not sure if it's the styles or if I just fit things funny these days. Could be a combo. I may have to order new pants from Alloy. I refuse to pay 80$ for a pair of pants that are "okay" at some crazy specialty shop in a mall. They have to freakin' rock for that amount of money. I rarely wish away my tall, there's really very little that's bad about it...but buying pants to fit these long legs is enough to make me wish...
So the hair cut. I sat in the chair and attempted to explain the mess the last girl had left my hair in and how I'd been trying to grow it out. I was completely validated when Kathrine's manager came over (she is at a training salon btway for Ficocello, you go girl!) and then proceeded to have all the girls in the salon come over because he wanted to show them all something they should NEVER do. After he pointed out how horrible the last girl cut and texturized my hair he proceeded to take the scissors from Kathrine and said "It's like the hair ER, I'm the surgeon who will now save her life and when I'm done you can stitch her up." Seriously that's what he said.
He said it would probably take one more hair cut to completely restore "the line". whatever that means. All I know is that I feel so much better now that I've had some maintenance. They didn't take off any length or anything like that, they just fixed me.
Best part? Afterwards I headed to a dinner with several fun ladies and they all showered me with compliments. I would love to say I don't need outside attention but I so do! A nicely placed complement goes a long way! So thanks ladies!
okay, I'll add a pic so you can see for yourself...
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
I haven't been bored though. I have lots to think about and pray about.
But I have no interesting stories to tell or events to relive or moments to share.
"I was sitting on my couch when...yeah, nothing"
So tomorrow I will get my hair cut.
I hope my sister doesn't read this until after I get my hair cut...I told her to tie me to a tree if I tried to get it cut before March. I've been growing out the bad hair cut I got last time..that would have been in July...even so this is the longest I've gone with out a cut. But I am feeling blah about my look so I am going to cut it. Two months early. Nothing shorter, just a better shape. I hope.
If it's cute I'll post a pic. If it's not...I probably still will ;)
The girl who is cutting it has great hair. She goes to my church and she's adorable. She asked me if she could cut it...not sure if I should have been offended by that or ... well, either way ... if she wants to make me cuter I am not going to argue.
okay, I'm going to go to bed soon. My big trip to Walmart tonight to visit the make up aisle has left me weary...and a little chilly. it is crazy cold here right now. negative something or other...I stop listening after "negative" usually. reality is for people who lack imagination and I go to my warm happy place at those moments!
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
I do have some personal goals for the next year. They weren't decided today but it's a good day to stop and take inventory.
There is a temptation to take today to look at all the things you don't like about yourself and resolve to change them. I think I want to figure out some of the things I like about myself and what can I do to highlight and make them even better...capitalize on strengths instead of focusing on weaknesses.
heck, maybe that will be my resolution! finding ways this whole next year to improve the things I am good at. or maybe not...still feeling non committal on the whole resolution issue...
So Much to Love
I love people. I love bright eyes. I love my sons, Judah & Lucas. I love laughing. I love my ringtone. I love love. I love Jesus. I love tattoos. I love milk. I love creative expression. I love smiles. I love Philippians. I love bridges. I love my house and haven. I love a rainy night. I love doing nothing. I love almonds and banana chips. I love music. I love cowboy hats. I love Anna Maria Island. I love (diet) dr.pepper. I love a good story. I love wildflowers. I love to fly. I love rod iron. I love babies. I love going to the movies. I love midnight. I love allegra. I love sunsets. I love long kisses. I love the color red. I love starshollow. I love community. I love doing life with friends. I love witty banter. I love jessilynn.com. I love my family. I love pretty things. I love cruisin' with my girls. I love remembering when. I love authentic individuals. I love hot tamales. I love when kids giggle. I love Lance. I love bonfires. I love finding people I thought I'd lost. I love yard sales. I love tacobell. I love seeing people do good. I love violins and steel guitar. I love driving to the airport. I love seeing people around me succeed at their dreams. I love being included. I love flipflops. I love blogging. I love long talks. I love dreaming.