I have the best husband. My family was/is here to visit and he stepped in and did a great job hosting where I was exhausted (which was a lot). He helped us make some fun memories playing goofy games in the backyard and drove us girls around for shopping and looking at lights and all that fun stuff too. He did laundry and dishes and played with the kiddo's and took pictures galore and I could go on and on. I'll post some of those fun pictures in the next few days.
I love Lance and everyone who knows him loves him too :) I know my family sure does.

little boy blue

We found out yesterday that we are having a baby boy. Time to get blue!

I always have the strangest dreams but last night was really odd. I dreamed that my sister and I were driving on a road trip and we came across this pool with a slide and it was free to go swimming, so we did and people were diving and going under the water and splashing and everything you would expect to see at a pool. All of a sudden the life guard is wearing snow pants and snow boots and she slides down the slide and walks on the water and starts telling everyone they have to leave the pool because it is freezing over. Well at this point I am also standing on the water and I proceed to write my name in the iced over glass on the outside of the pool area. The life guard told me I had to leave and as I am leaving I can see that there are a few people who had gone under the water right when everything froze and were pounding on the ice trying to break it so they could get out from under the water. I helped bash through the ice to rescue a couple people. It was a strange dream for sure. I woke up after that.

and that is the end of this strange dream blog :)

fun for me

I've never been a fashionista but I do like to look nice. Being preggo and 6'1 has left me wearing jeans and a few tops that still fit. I have a few maternity tops that are nice too. I hope to find a pair of actual maternity pants long enough for me at some point. I have been scouring the web and while I think I can find a pair of maternity jeans, so far no luck finding anything nicer than that. Who knows if I will fit back into my clothes when this is all said and done, I am guessing that at the very least things won't fit the same. So what's a girl to do? Live vicariously that's what! I was introduced to a website called Polyvore by my lovely sister in law and I am loving it. I spend a few minutes every few days designing outfits that make me feel good. It is really a form of expression and a way to dream a little about what it might be like to have a real sense of fashion that is unlimited by money or size. It is quite fun for me. Here are a few of the outfits I've designed....


Welcome by jwillowb


I love beauty by jwillowb



Starry Night by jwillowb



Sunshine by jwillowb

well, I accomplished very little today. it was another sick day for me. I did make it to the grocery store and managed to hold it together until I got home. I hate days like today. Sorry to complain. I just hope I can have a good day while my husband is home. I am sick of being sick during our times together.

Besides my head cold I have felt okay the last two days. Last night my friend Katy came over and we skyped with my two girl friends in North Carolina. It was a genuine girls night. We all ate dinner, chatted the night away and laughed a ton. It was great. I wish more people had web cams and skype. It would be so easy to spend time with far away friends and family in the unique way technology provides.
I had lunch today with one of my NC girls fiance. He was in town for a convention and while I have met him on skype before it was the first time we were in the same room together. It was nice to get to know him a little better seeing as how he's marrying one of my all time favorite people.
I came home to find a package on my door step from my sister in law. She bought me a few delightful treats from our favorite minneapolis haunt. A lovely store called "Patina" We spent many girl outings at Patina enjoying all of its delights and both of us sorely miss it. She was visiting her sister who goes to school in mpls and got a chance to go, lucky for me :) It was a delightful treat.
And tonight is my life group. So one more social outing. I am happy to have them. I have been realizing that I spend so much time alone and being quiet that when Lance comes home it is hard for me to get back to being talkative sometimes. Which makes for a very quiet jamie. Not always a bad thing I suppose :)

Now

It's strangely mesmerizing. Go here and see what I'm talking about.


Here's a taste...

it was fun while it lasted

well it was a two week job. I could kind of tell last week that it wasn't going to last. Every time little miss Storie made a peep her dad was in the room to take her out of my arms. It was sweet how attentive he was to her but I could tell he really wasn't digging the idea of someone else watching his daughter, even when she was being pleasant.
I knew when I took the job that it was a God connection and I still feel the same way. I don't plan to just disappear from their lives. It was great to connect with some more people from our neighborhood and I really do enjoy the couple and hope that their guitar store has great success.
What is next for me? I have no idea. But I did feel the baby move a ton this morning, no doubts now that this is what is jabbing at me. I have a boxer for a baby I think.
We do plan to find out if it's a boy or a girl and yes I will tell everyone and anyone who wants to know :) we find out next week. Family will find out first and then we'll spread the word :) I may not know exactly what all my future holds but I know for sure it holds a baby.

I feel very one dimensional these days. The only thing I think about is how I'm feeling, whether or not I'm going to be sick. It's not interesting, it's not inspiring and it doesn't make for a very great topic of conversation.
I did have a nice afternoon with my husband, he felt a lot better today. I get a kick out of watching how he works. He cleaned out his closet today. Fascinating to watch. He has his way of doing things for sure. Anyhow, I had a doc apt today and after that we did a little christmas shopping. It was nice. I feel like I'm coming down with a little head cold which is aggravating the sick feeling but at least today was a little break from only thinking about how sick i am. Of course I did have to find my way out of one of the stores quickly to get sick but really it was a great day and a great outing. Lance is back to work for the week and as usual I will miss him.

Poor lance woke up sick this morning. Luckily I wasn't as sick today as yesterday, not sure I did much to take care of him but it was nice to at least sit with him and keep him somewhat company :)

This isn't much of a post but it was my day!

well today was a motion sick day. every time I moved I got sick...so needless to say I spent a lot of time on my couch today...I watched remodeling shows all day long. I did get up a few times to do things around the house, bucket in hand. sheesh. I am so over this sick business. but I guess I'm only about half way there, it's nice to be half way (on wed I'll start week 20). all down hill from there right? lol

ironically

So when I first found out I was pregnant I joked around (and prayed flippantly) that I'd like to have a stork deliver my baby rather than go through labor. Can you blame me? Ironically my doctor is Dr. Storck. I really thought they were kidding when I first made the appointment. But I have now spent much time with my own personal Storck and she's for real. I guess that old saying "be careful what you wish for" applies...at least I wished for something good :) For real I think God has a sense of humor and this was his funny way of answering my prayer for a stork delivery.

I'm not totally sure because it's not super obvious but I think I can feel the baby moving. It's supposed to be the time when it starts to happen and the last week I've had a regular sensation that I feel is different than any other sensations I've been having. It is hard to say for sure. But it's got me focusing more on the baby. I really can't believe I'm having a baby. It is surreal. All of it. This endless flu (yes today was a hard day again) is going to result in a child. Oh my.

The Bill Cosby show has some classic moments. This one had my attention tonight. Go, Watch, Laugh, Feel bad for me...whatever.

I haven't turned on the christmas music yet, I know lots of people that have...but tonight Lance and I bought tickets to see Harry Connick Jr.'s christmas concert in Dec.

I am so excited!

It is a tricky thing to balance being homesick with being present where you are now at. I know the fun things going on that I am missing, things I did and participated in and loved. And I genuinely feel homesick for where I was. Then I look at the new friends I'm starting to make and the new traditions Lance and I will be participating in and I am happy to be where I am. It is a definite strange mix of feelings going on inside of me all the time. I think the holidays might be a little harder this first time around not doing the things that I considered my own personal traditions, but I also can see how they will be so fun because I am doing new things and starting family traditions of my own, for my own family.
I was just thinking about it today as I was on facebook and saw people gearing up for the ladies tea. Something my mom used to come to town for every year and we would do together. This year my mom is coming to Nashville to help me with a family thanksgiving gathering here in nashville. It will be different but I know it will be good, in fact I am so incredibly excited to have my family visit. It is great to have them coming to look forward to.
happy to be here, wishing I was there. the contradictions are making my head spin.

growing pains

when I think about my life today the words "growing pains" come to mind. So many changes in a short time period equals me changing and growing. In some ways I feel like I'm in the best place of my life and in other ways I am uncomfortable. I am feeling more and more comfortable all the time, when I think of my first month here and where I am now, I definitely see how much more comfortable I've become. Imagine in another 6 months...heck I'll be having a baby by then. So it's a good thing that with time I will be more comfortable and grown more into my circumstances.

Today was good. I felt queasy but I kept food down. So thanks for your prayers. I think when I don't sleep well it makes for harder days and I slept like a dream last night. Speaking of dreams...I have the most vivid dreams. I heard that happened when you were pregnant but it is seriously interesting. I joked tonight with my neighbors (who invited me over for dinner) that going to sleep was a little like going to the movies...something interesting is always showing :)
So off to the movies I will now go! Hopefully another good nights sleep and another good day tomorrow. Fingers crossed :)

I'm back to feeling ick. I can't keep food down. The last 3 days have been hard. I am hoping it's a fluke and that I'll wake up tomorrow and feel better. Pray for me if you think about it. Lance is gone for the next 5 days, as always I will miss him.

Today was a fun day with lance, after church we had a nice drive to enjoy the fall colors, a stop at an outlet mall, a little antiquing and then looking at the lights and sights at the Opryland hotel. Such fun. I was feeling queasy through the whole thing but I still enjoyed myself. It was nice to be out of the house and spending time with my husband.

A real live Ode

I woke up this morning to find the funniest comment on my "Ode to Julie Fuzzybottom" post...my mother dearest actually wrote an ode. It is to cute not to share :) thanks mom!



Oh Marta is an angel
Oh Marta is a friend
She knows just how to bless you
While you are on the mend
Ode to Julie Fuzzybottom:

I raise my glass to her
I bless her now as I pray
For she has blessed my darlin'
In her hardest day.

She may have a fuzzybottom,or
Hair that is long like a blanket
But to Jamie she's an angel
Who sent her cookies and a slanket.

I had a great day today. I worked again and it was a much smoother day as the little girl, her name is story, is getting more used to me and me to her. I ended up packing PB&J sandwiches for my lunch and turned out that the mom comes home over her lunch to feed Story and to do a few things around their house so I got to sit and eat my lunch there and I talked with her a bit, she seems super sweet, another potential friend.
One kind of cool thing about my job is that my neighbor also works for the family actually in the guitar store too, so we get a chance here and there to chat a bit. So today in our chatting we ended up deciding to have dinner with him, his wife and I tonight. Which I just got home from. They are such a nice couple and I am having fun getting to know them. It is nice to have friends. They actually moved here the same time I did so we have a lot in common with the new city and new life business.
I am starting to feel like this is home and little things like these connections are making a big deal in that process. Thank God. I know this is where I am supposed to be and so it is nice to finally start to feel settled into a community, between church and my neighborhood I think I am going to be alright.

tired and good

I am tired from a good day. It is interesting to watch someone's child while they are there. They practice attachment parenting...so I'm sure it's hard to share their daughter with me, an adjustment I'm sure. I am pretty sensitive to things though so I feel like it will be a good thing once we all get used to each other. Today was a day of just getting used to being around one another. I go back tomorrow for an even longer day. Hopefully it will go well. I need to figure out food. Being prego I need to eat more often and can't be skipping meals. So I need to figure out what I can pack to bring along. I'm not sure if I will be able to use a microwave or if I'll be able to leave for a short time or if I need to pack all cold things and...yeah, I don't know. I'll figure something out. It's nice to be out of the house and interacting, even if it's with a little one :)

starting something new

I start my new part time job today. I am nervous. Just normal nervous, nothing to special. It is just always a little nerve wracking to do something new. I'm sure it will be fine. I'll let you know of course :)

Before Lance started dating me he was attending a small group here in Nashville, he wasn't around much when he was spending his time in Minneapolis courting me, then he turned up in Nash with a wife and his small group no longer wondered where he had gone :) I started attending the group tonight. Lance wasn't with me because he's at work, who knows how often we'll be able to go together, but they know him, they know me and that's good. It was a fun group of people for sure, they all seem like the outgoing type, I tend to be a little quieter but in time I'm sure I'll hold my own :) It is nice to meet a few more people in nashville!
We are reading the book "The five love languages" which I am familiar with but have never actually read, I am glad to be participating with the group and Lance and I will work on the book together too even though we may not always both be at group, but it is still an opportunity for us to connect to each other and others in a unique way.
One kind of neat thing was that I met a girl who had done kids ministry for years, had a hard pregnancy and had to quit her work in kids ministry and is now a stay at home mom. I think her and I have a lot in common, we had a nice start of a conversation for sure tonight. It is nice to see how God is working things out for where I land and who I come in contact with and all of this. It is nice to not feel forgotten. Which I was starting to wonder about as I was so up to my ears in sickness for so long. Coming out on this side of things is nice.

always a little sad

I am always a little sad to see my husband go back to work. He left tonight and the familiar feeling of sad came over me. I always miss him. It's a good missing though cause it's always so nice to see him when he returns. I have things to keep me busy while he's gone this time around which is good.
Lance and I are newlyweds who were thrown a bit of a curve ball in my sickness with this baby. It has been a hard time for both of us for different reasons but not such a hard time that we won't be okay and that is a nice feeling. I married him because I love him and want to live my life by his side. I am imperfect, he is imperfect but we have God on our side and a desire to be good to each other.
Anyways, one thing I was happy about today was that Lance and I voted together last week...no standing in lines for us :) we are a smart pair!

picture perfect

who knew hanging pictures all day could wear me out. But it has...the pics look good though. our upstairs has a new look and our family wall now has both our families on it and room for wedding pics. lovely. can't wait to show it to my family when they come visit for thanksgiving :)

Little Lockhart

I never posted a pic of the new baby...this is one I found that Lance had taken the same day we had the first ultrasound (only so far I should say). I believe I had just puked in the Shoney's bathroom and was craving pancakes with fruit. It was a sweet day even if it was also tainted with sickness. The next ultrasound we do will be to find out if it's a boy or a girl and don't worry, I'll share :) we are excited for folks to know what we are having so we can all plan together...the name will be the big secret...everything else will be fun to share :)

following a call

when I was in college I knew that I was there to learn something. I didn't think my major of kids ministry was it but I knew that for a season that was what I was to study and participate in. I graduated college and never truly felt called to a specific ministry or profession. I did how ever feel called to work at Cedar Valley Church. I took a job in the building knowing that it was just a matter of time if that was where God wanted me (and somehow I knew it was) for doors to open. 8 months later I was hired full time. I wondered during the 8 months if I was crazy but I knew i had to be faithful to what God had called me to do, which was to serve at this church. When I left it was with peace that I was no longer called to that community. But this left me wondering what my next step would be...I knew that it meant being a good wife, devoting myself to my husband and my marriage but beyond that I was not sure. I took a job that was similar to what I had "done" before but did not have peace about it. I worked there and kept things afloat...I may have added a little bit of value but not much, which I knew and was not happy about but it wasn't feeling like a fit to me and I was less and less at peace with being there. add into that equation all of the sickness I was struggling with and it felt all wrong.
Now here I am about to start a job that pays enough but very little really but I feel at peace. Why I feel at peace I don't know...maybe it is a stepping stone God has for me and maybe it's a place of learning to trust God for things I can't provide myself, and maybe it's a way for me to connect and grow and flourish in a new setting where I have been struggling....those are only a few of my guesses right now...it could be something totally different. One thing I know though is that sometime when God calls you to do ministry even to just one family and you are obedient...people doubt you and think you are being stupid. But I can't deny that this is the path God has set before me, I know my saviors voice and I know that he guides my steps and I know what it's like to ignore his call and go down a path that leads to complete unrest. I will live with some thinking I am being stupid because ultimately it is my heavenly father I answer to. In the other situations I can only do what I can do. I am at peace and I know how easy it is to doubt but I have not felt this sure about God's leading in a while so I must go with it. The fruits of this next endeavor may not be financial but I have a feeling they will be priceless.

ode to julie fuzzybottom

well....I've never actually written an ode. I believe there is rhyming involved....so really this is not an ode. because there will be no rhyming, I mean it, anybody want a peanut?

however, Julie Fuzzybottom (names are changed to protect...well....yeah...more to make you laugh than a protection thing I think) has recently blessed my socks off. she is one of the most generous people I have ever known. when I worked as a kids pastor she was always donating clothing and supplies that were much needed, she donated her time and her efforts as well...and all while struggling through some sicknesses that were hard to comprehend. She truly amazes me with her generous spirit. And I have been her recent Target. I hardly know how to express how special she has made me feel.

The first thing she did was send me a little piece of MN in a box. Sweet Martha cookies are a treat that i would indulge in maybe twice a year at the most but always always at the state fair. They were fresh off the griddle and the most deliciously sinful treat you could imagine. Couple that with the .50 cent milk booth and you could make yourself sick in 20 minutes flat. Well, they are unique to MN and not something I will ever have again unless I return. Or so I thought. Sweet Martha is also what my sister and I named her Jeep once upon a time. We loved the cookies and we loved the jeep. It made sense. Well one fine day when I was sick out of my mind, my sister was visiting and I was missing MN the door bell rang and a package arrived. Wouldn't you know it...a little bit of Sweet Martha sent my way from a fellow foodie :) The enjoyment it brought me was related to my taste buds as well as my heart strings. Sadly i was to sick to eat more than a couple and to say thank you and tell the story was beyond me. But I still snapped a pic of my sis enjoying the cookies! it was appropriate that we both were there to partake :)


The second thing she did she did in Cahoots with another friend, the fabulous Tamara Riker. They ganged up on me and bought for me one of my new favorite things...yes the Slanket. They bought it for me as I was lying in a hospital bed trying to stay alive. The amount of thought and care they put in for me and i'm not even right in their direct circle of friends...well, again I was blessed beyond words. I wrap myself in my slanket (the blanket with sleeves) and I feel wrapped in love from people who know how to show care in the most loving and practical ways.


Truly, Julie has used her gift of generosity and thoughtfulness to bless me beyond words and beyond what I feel i deserve. She is someone you want on your side. A hidden treasure of a friend. I am humbled.

I GOT THE JOB!!!!!!! I AM SO HAPPY!!! I knew it was a God fit, why I will find out eventually Im sure but I am thrilled to pieces!!!!!


I will let you know how it all goes, I start on Thursday!!!

Jamie

getting it straight

today I finally got out side of myself. I am listening to the stereo and the song came on with the line "deep down low makes level feel so high" that is the best way to describe what i've been through. so low, for so long, my life lines were even starting to drag down. well I feel level returning and it has me on a high. life is good. my life right here right now is so high. level feels like a white puffy fun cloud today.

I seriously love you faithful readers, say HI and tell me in a nutshell how you are all doing. I miss people mucho!

heart shaped world

I don't know if I have the picture to go with this story but I have been meaning to tell it for ages. A couple months back lance and I went on a picture scavenger hunt through nashville looking for guitars to take photos of. there were many. it is a music city after all. well, lance had known about this swimming pool that was shaped like a guitar. we tooled around and eventually found the location, he got out of the car in a parking garage to see if we could catch a view of it from the side. well, as he was looking this guy comes up to him in the garage and turns out lance had bought some furniture from him or something like that off of craig's list. so the guy works there and offers to take us up onto the roof top to get a view of the pool from the best place. and you know what, we went out on the roof, I climbed up a tiny ladder on a wall and hoisted myself up on to a roof to look at a guitar shaped pool.
it was one of those experiences that was a once in a life time moment. and lance is always so open to new things and new people. I am learning, I tend to be a lot more shy. anyhow it was a pretty neat thing and I have been meaning to tell about it literally for two months. I will see if I can find a picture of the pool.

fog

so I am coming out of a fog. part of it was drug induced. I found out that one of the meds I was taking was causing me to be incredibly anxiety filled. I stopped taking it last night. I woke up in the night and had the thought "i'm going to be myself again" and I was so happy. I could feel it leaving my system. I was also in a fog from all the puking and sickness. I couldn't do anything. Jessi had to take care of me, Lance had the full weight of our life and marriage on his plate. It was not a good thing but honestly I don't know how I could have handled it different. It was just so intense. I am prayerful that that is all over now too. This is week 17 and things are looking better all the time.

I am so thankful for a wonderful husband who has shouldered so much. to much really and done it way better than I could have.

I am so thankful for friends who didn't quit on me just because I got self centered to stay alive.

I am so thankful for a sister who has done more for me in this short time than I will ever be able to repay.

I am so thankful to be here where I am right now. It isn't easy but I know it is the right place to be.

I am so thankful that the fog is finally lifting.

I hope to write more and have more fun stories to tell. I have been letting lance tell them all because I haven't had the energy. But I hope to get back to doing that as well.

I will start by saying I had a great job interview today to nanny for a family's 8month old baby in a music store only 5 blocks from my house, totally in walking distance. I will update everyone as to whether or not they hire me. I will know sometime tomorrow. It is the first thing I have been excited about in a long time.

thankful is what I am.