Sunday, January 31, 2010
Wake up at 5:30 and feed Judah...put him back to sleep
Wake up again at 8...that never happens! It felt nice. Fed Judah again.
8:30 we got up and started the morning. Judah was into everything. He wanted me to hold him every second. When I wouldn't he would just hold onto me and yell...when I'd finally give in and pick him up he tried to crawl off of me and away from me. ok. whatever.
I attempt to fold laundry. That didn't happen. Baby J had other ideas.
I spend some time in the kitchen cleaning things up and putting away dishes from the dishwasher. Baby J had other ideas.
I decide to take a shower...if nothing else at least I would be clean. I take baby J into the bathroom with me and lock the door. miracle of miracles he does not cry when I am in the shower...he plays and seems happy. A nice change. I know he's teething and that is the source of his yelling and needing extra attention... I end up taking a bath and Judah looks longingly at the water so, pretty soon he is in the tub too. At which point he stops being happy and attempts to climb me. So out we go. First clean outfit for me, second one for the babs.
I spend time feeding Judah solids, after I make them of course..we sing a few songs, clap our hands, other fun baby stuff goes on...
I am starting to feel overwhelmed because baby J is only happy (as in not yelling and grabbing at me) if I am giving him 100% attention...and Lance is coming home soon. I don't want him to walk into a messy house.
It is about time for Baby J to take a nap...so off we go...nursing and rocking and patting and finally sweet sleeping.
I spend the next two hours folding laundry, cleaning the kitchen, picking up all the baby messes I could find...I did more laundry, I picked up our bedroom, I made our bed, I refreshed our bathroom...I pulled food out for a possible dinner I had in mind so things would be thawed and ready to go...I talked to my friend kristen while I was doing some more laundry folding.
It's around 2:30 and Judah wakes up. He seems to be in a better mood and so we spent some time playing, i got online and caught up with some friends, I even turned on the tv and caught and episode of "tough love" my dvr had messed up and I'd missed.
Lance got home at around 4:30. I was so happy I'd been able to clean up as much stuff as I had considering how hard baby J had been to keep happy. We bundled up and headed out for a little snow adventure...more like a frozen snow and icy roads adventure but it was still fun. When we walked back in the house I was able to start dinner, feed Judah (Lance took over for me half way through so I could keep cooking). I got Judah's bath and bedtime stuff ready while Lance bathed Judah. I finished getting dinner ready...
next up was nursing Judah and getting him to sleep. he ended up playing in his crib for a very long time after I put him down but eventually he put himself to sleep.
I served up dinner and it turned out pretty nice...a baked chicken over rice sort of a meal. I was pleased.
After dinner Lance and I watched a movie while I folder more laundry. When the movie was over I cleaned up dinner and cleaned up the kitchen, got the dishwasher loaded and running.
It was a long day. Exhausting in a lot of ways. I was feeling pretty good about how much I'd gotten done around the house since I know how important it is to Lance to have things clean and tidy. I was feeling pretty good about the fun little snow adventure we had with our son. It was really kind of fun. Don't worry, I'll post pictures later.
It is amazing to me as I type this out that I still feel like I didn't do enough.
Is it ever enough?
I mean...I'm exhausted but I can't sleep. My mind rehashes the day and I try to figure out what more I could have done. Should i have let Judah cry more so that the floors were cleaner? should I have left the laundry all for tonight and spent more time with my son? maybe it was stupid of me to watch that tv show instead of cleaning a bathroom...I don't know how to find balance. I feel torn every second.
Moms around the world say "tell me something I don't already know".
I've listened for hours to countless women talk about these same issues...and yet... here I am and it is my life. Who do I talk to? what did I ever say to someone that made them feel better about things? Why can't I remember those things now for myself? sigh...
my husband feels unloved if our house is messy.
my child makes it nearly impossible some days for me to think straight much less keep a perfectly clean house. Just the nature of having a baby around the house. I am convicted to complain less...I did a lot of complaining in my head about him today.
I feel lost...like I don't exist. And the part of me that does exists is merely here to take care of others.
I got my hair cut this week. My hair dresser implored me to do things to take care of myself, to pamper myself.
I raised my eyebrow and snorted and said something like "yeah sure..".
I am blessed that Judah goes to bed early. I know this. I am trying to do a better job of using the time in the evenings to do more things around my house and even take a bubble bath now and again for me. But there are days I feel brain dead by the time Judah's bed time rolls around.
I guess I am just rambling now. The whole purpose of a blog sometimes...ramble it out of my head and into words...let others read and maybe someone can encourage me a little...or someone who knows me well can tell me where i'm going wrong.
Either way, I think I may finally be tired enough to sleep. Time to get up in the morning and do it all over again. Awesome.
Friday, January 29, 2010
...but today's snow fall though, this is the first snow where he noticed what was happening...he was fascinated by the flakes falling down around him...he was confused why I put these big ol' gloves on his fingers and even more perplexed when they were covered in thick white stuff the second he moved them to start trying to crawl. He was very serious when I laid him on his back and fed him snow while the flakes continued to land on his lovely little baby face.
Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire: it is the time for home. ~Edith Sitwell
See the pretty snowflakes
Falling from the sky;
On the wall and housetops
Soft and thick they lie.
On the window ledges,
On the branches bare;
Now how fast they gather,
Filling all the air.
Look into the garden,
Where the grass was green;
Covered by the snowflakes,
Not a blade is seen.
Now the bare black bushes
All look soft and white,
Every twig is laden,
What a pretty sight!
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
A photo of Judah's latest baby adventure...
Somebody said while I was pregnant "this baby's going to be way easier out than in!" and I prayed it would be true...and guess what? it was! I have been blessed with an amazingly precious little boy who is a delight.
Pregnancy lasts 40 weeks. My 40 weeks felt like an eternity.
Judah has now been here for 41 weeks...a week longer out than he was in. These 41 weeks have flown by.
I guess the old expression is true. Time does fly when you are having fun!
Friday, January 22, 2010
He kept stopping while I was nursing him so he could clap for a few seconds, then he'd start nursing again.
It was cracking me up.
He also fell over a few times in his attempts to stand alone and he'd cry, pause, clap, cry, pause, clap.
It was also cracking me up.
That boy makes me laugh.
He has two more new teeth coming in, I can see them...probably will be broken through by the morning. That will be a total of 8 teeth. I think we are both ready for a good nights sleep. As tired as I am, at least I already have my teeth :) lol.
Now I am cracking myself up. I am lame. I know this about myself and I am okay with it :-)~
I could have used this "Help" button this week. Major issues. The computer works fine...it's the operator that was having issues. I added a program called "Aperture 2" to my computer...it was running in....cr....e....dib.........lllllll......y slow. I had uploaded my iphoto library to this new program and decided it was just to much (over 10,000 photo's) so I deleted them...only problem was I did not understand that it was deleting them.
I guess I just thought they were deleting them from that program only. Sheesh. I promptly pulled them out of the trash can and since it hadn't imported the entire library but only most, I had to basically go back through and figure out which ones were deleted...problem being that they all still looked like they were still there until I actually opened them up to find out. Oy. Basically a potentially time intensive process to see which ones were actually gone and which ones were still there. With the help of my back-up I was able to figure out a process to just drop photo's into a file and just not add duplicates...it took me probably 15 hrs to recreate the library that was deleted. I am not totally sure I did it totally right but for the most part I think I did.
I am SO thankful for my back-up and also that I have all my photo's on snapfish...I did buy a stack of DVD's to burn them onto those as well. I am triple backing everything up...It may seem like overkill but I have lost everything twice before...and if I hadn't had the back-up I'd have lost everything again this week.
Sometimes I am really good with technology.
Other times...not so much.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
The funny thing is that since she is living with us it looks like we are helping her...but the truth is she has been the one helping me.
All through my pregnancy that was wretched, she helped me with no complaints. She even drove me to the hospital when Judah was on the way and Lance was trying to get home from work.
She has been my 1 friend in Nashville in a time of complete change. I knew no one, I barely knew myself. She talked me through so many things AND! went to Target with me :) I may have gone crazy with out her.
She is leaving for two months to the Virgin Islands to sing for her supper. I am going to miss her :( and around next fall she is going to get her own place and no longer live with us. Probably Sept. which ironically, will be almost 2 yrs to the time I called her and asked her to drive to me and help me survive. I know that for me the last two years have been significant in my relationship with my sister. In a lot of ways we helped each other.
And considering we didn't even like each other until our late 20's it is pretty nice to have such a good relationship with my sister.
So this year for my birthday she asked me what I wanted and I promptly said "a pedicure". Yup. If you ask me what I want that is probably going to be on my list. Now she knows :) We finally got our chance to go this week...
Jessi has never had a pedicure before so it was a new experience for her. She says she liked it :) Her toes sure were pretty afterwards! i even talked her into getting a flower on her big toes. she is going to the virgin islands for two months after all! and she has always loved taking beach pictures of her toes. You're welcome Jessi :)
When we were done with our toes we promptly went next door to the donut shop and ordered a dozen donuts. We attempted to eat them all but did not get very far :) It was worth a try though.
All in all it was a great birthday celebration and an even better sister outing.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
He has been pulling himself up to stand a ton. For a couple weeks (I think...I'm a little tired and can't think straight) he's been pulling himself up in his crib and getting stuck. I have had to rescue him numerous times in the night. (thus the tired can't think straight thing). Just yesterday he figured out how to get down on his own. PTL.
He has been doing a little bit of cruising as well. It is fun to watch him develop.
I'm sure there are other developmental things going on as well. He seems to be chattering non stop and in constant motion when he's awake.
He has also decided to be clingy. It is a little frustrating and a little flattering.
Anyhow...I was reading up on babies and discovered that there is something called a 9 mo sleep regression. Which is pretty much related to all he has going on in his little body and mind.
He still goes to sleep really well at 6:30ish but instead of waking once around 5 and going back to sleep (a schedule I could handle) he is now waking around 2:00am seemingly ravenously hungry, he goes back to sleep after I nurse him (please no one tell me to use the CIO method because I am not interested, I've tried it and it is futile in this scenario) then sleeps till 5:00 or 6:00...he used to then go back to sleep till 7:00 or 7:30 but the last two days no such luck. He's just awake.
I suppose my answer to being so tired myself is just to go to bed earlier. But that is not an easy task either since I feel like I can't get at ton accomplished during the day when he is awake...(he's down to a 1 nap a day schedule now). Plus I like the alone time.
Anyone else have a similar experience around 9 mo?
Thursday, January 07, 2010
I used to read a book a week, some times a book a day. I am a sucker for a nice cheesy romance. I love those christian books that have 4 short love stories in them. Total cheese and so fun.
Anyhow....I met Lance around that time as well, we got married in 08 and now here it is 2010 and I have finally started reading a little bit. Nothing serious as I am warming up to it again. I have read a couple mystery type books and a couple of those collection of short stories I mentioned already.
Now seeing as how I have not read a romance novel since pre lance, I was noticing as I was reading these silly love stories all centered around the christmas season, that instead of imagining the character being described, every leading man in these books turns into Lance in my minds eye. It is quite an interesting thing to read all these fun light hearted silly romance stories and imagine that they are happening to me, with Lance as my leading man.
I of course prefer our real life love story...but it is kinda fun to read my DH into these short stories too :)
Just a kind of silly observation I made tonight as I read one of them while taking a nice hot bubble bath. The very best way to read if I may say so myself.
I am definitely acclimating to the south though. Yesterday we were doing some outlet mall shopping, which required going outside to get from store to store...I was shocked that my little hoodie and vest weren't warm enough. lol. If I was in MN right now I'd be wearing a parka and snow shoes.
Anyhow...I remember being a little kid and hearing people (old people) talk about the weather and I remember thinking "when I get old I will not be so boring". HA! who knew 33 was old. Childhood is so wonderful. I miss the complete carefree feeling of someone else being in charge completely. I am happy to be able to offer that feeling to my own son. Makes me want to watch Lion King and sing The Circle of Life song while holding Judah up to the sun on a mountain cliff...although I'd be afraid I'd drop him.
On another note...4 hrs sleep is just not enough. *yawn* I would just like to take this opportunity to apologize to my mom for all the times I interrupted her slumber. I didn't know. :)
Sunday, January 03, 2010
I am so sick of being sick. I am so sick of Judah being sick.
I am ready for a week long nap. It is no fun to be sick when it's just yourself to take care of...it is doubly no fun to never sleep through the night and never get enough rest to recoup your own body while taking care of a sick baby, it is just a recipe for staying sick and getting sicker.
34 days of being sick and I see no end in sight.
At least Judah had a small break in there of not being sick. I am grateful for that. Hopefully he gets another break here soon.
Okay. I am done.
I'd love to say "and now I'm going to go take a nap" but Judah doesn't want to nap right now and since he knows how to stand up in his crib but does not know how to get down it is futile to lay him down until he is ready to nap, otherwise I just keep having to rescue him when he gets stuck. lol. It's kinda comical when I am not so tired and don't have a headache.
So Much to Love
I love people. I love bright eyes. I love my sons, Judah & Lucas. I love laughing. I love my ringtone. I love love. I love Jesus. I love tattoos. I love milk. I love creative expression. I love smiles. I love Philippians. I love bridges. I love my house and haven. I love a rainy night. I love doing nothing. I love almonds and banana chips. I love music. I love cowboy hats. I love Anna Maria Island. I love (diet) dr.pepper. I love a good story. I love wildflowers. I love to fly. I love rod iron. I love babies. I love going to the movies. I love midnight. I love allegra. I love sunsets. I love long kisses. I love the color red. I love starshollow. I love community. I love doing life with friends. I love witty banter. I love jessilynn.com. I love my family. I love pretty things. I love cruisin' with my girls. I love remembering when. I love authentic individuals. I love hot tamales. I love when kids giggle. I love Lance. I love bonfires. I love finding people I thought I'd lost. I love yard sales. I love tacobell. I love seeing people do good. I love violins and steel guitar. I love driving to the airport. I love seeing people around me succeed at their dreams. I love being included. I love flipflops. I love blogging. I love long talks. I love dreaming.