Thursday, January 20, 2011
I guess in order to see the beauty and the joy you need the contrast. Or so I will tell myself.
So on that note...a few things to share about my January and my life.
My dad. He is almost 81 and has been dealing with dementia for a while now. He lives in assisted living (thank God, it was so hard on my mom to care for him before that) and is in generally speaking, good health. However, recently he suffered a small stroke. And that caused him to have issues in regards to breathing and swallowing and such. He aspirated and got pneumonia. His doctor recommended he get a feeding tube. Now if you know my dad at all, you know his one joy in life is eating. So that was not happening. He has no desire to live on tubes and machines and will just live with what comes his way until he doesn't.
Anyhow...this has been going on for several years now. A slow fade.
But the difference this time is that his doctor has decided he now requires Hospice.
And yes, when I got that news I cried. In the shower. For a long time. Ugly Cry.
I know that people can live for years even on hospice, but it still holds such meaning. It is the last step. The end is coming. Like it or lump it.
So next week I am going to WI to visit my mom and my dad.
I hope it is not the last time I see my dad alive. But there are no guarantees. There never are.
So that is that. Praying for the best, preparing for the worst.
Anyhow...now that I typed that out I don't really feel like talking/blogging anymore. So other stuff will just have to wait I guess. Maybe tonight I'll pop back on and change the mood around here...but for now...even on the good days, this is what is in the back of my mind.
So Much to Love
I love people. I love bright eyes. I love my sons, Judah & Lucas. I love laughing. I love my ringtone. I love love. I love Jesus. I love tattoos. I love milk. I love creative expression. I love smiles. I love Philippians. I love bridges. I love my house and haven. I love a rainy night. I love doing nothing. I love almonds and banana chips. I love music. I love cowboy hats. I love Anna Maria Island. I love (diet) dr.pepper. I love a good story. I love wildflowers. I love to fly. I love rod iron. I love babies. I love going to the movies. I love midnight. I love allegra. I love sunsets. I love long kisses. I love the color red. I love starshollow. I love community. I love doing life with friends. I love witty banter. I love jessilynn.com. I love my family. I love pretty things. I love cruisin' with my girls. I love remembering when. I love authentic individuals. I love hot tamales. I love when kids giggle. I love Lance. I love bonfires. I love finding people I thought I'd lost. I love yard sales. I love tacobell. I love seeing people do good. I love violins and steel guitar. I love driving to the airport. I love seeing people around me succeed at their dreams. I love being included. I love flipflops. I love blogging. I love long talks. I love dreaming.