Thursday, January 20, 2011

the contrast

If you've been around my blog long enough, you know this is a place I keep track of the beauty and joys of my life. I don't spend a lot of time on my blog being a downer or complaining or keeping track of the crappy stuff life brings. But there is a time and a place for all things. Even in my happy place.

I guess in order to see the beauty and the joy you need the contrast. Or so I will tell myself.

So on that note...a few things to share about my January and my life.

My dad. He is almost 81 and has been dealing with dementia for a while now. He lives in assisted living (thank God, it was so hard on my mom to care for him before that) and is in generally speaking, good health. However, recently he suffered a small stroke. And that caused him to have issues in regards to breathing and swallowing and such. He aspirated and got pneumonia. His doctor recommended he get a feeding tube. Now if you know my dad at all, you know his one joy in life is eating. So that was not happening. He has no desire to live on tubes and machines and will just live with what comes his way until he doesn't.
Anyhow...this has been going on for several years now. A slow fade.
But the difference this time is that his doctor has decided he now requires Hospice.
And yes, when I got that news I cried. In the shower. For a long time. Ugly Cry.
I know that people can live for years even on hospice, but it still holds such meaning. It is the last step. The end is coming. Like it or lump it.
So next week I am going to WI to visit my mom and my dad.
I hope it is not the last time I see my dad alive. But there are no guarantees. There never are.

So that is that. Praying for the best, preparing for the worst. that I typed that out I don't really feel like talking/blogging anymore. So other stuff will just have to wait I guess. Maybe tonight I'll pop back on and change the mood around here...but for now...even on the good days, this is what is in the back of my mind.



Burkinator said...

There are no words ... other than this sucks, and we're still praying for you guys. Love you!

Andrea said...

praying for your Dad and you. My Mom had a minor stroke a year ago, but I can't imgaine what else you're facing but I will pray.

thank you for being vulnerable and honest.

Katie said...

You're in my prayers, Jamie.

Tanya said...

I'm sorry to hear this! We will keep you in our prayers!!!!!

MauraW. said...

Jamie that really stinks!! You and your family will be in my prayers.

Beth said...

Hon, I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine what it's been like for you to see your daddy living like this in recent years. And the effect it's had on your mom.

I'm praying for you.



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